Holiday

Bweeeeh-
2months holiday-

earlier, it wasnt that boring.
but after that im getting sick of it..

im bored~
bored bored bored.

everyday going out with my bro and his gf.
eat eat eat.

Miss Singapore xoo muchh.

First of November

Boo!

Today is first of November- exactly two years of staying in Singapore.
Later going out to Bugis to accompany my friends buy some VCDs for his friends.
Planning to visit temple for a while, perhaps.
Then most probably eating Carl's Jr for celebration
(sad thing my batch doesnt seem to really interest to celebrate our 2nd year here)
Humm.

Yesterday was suntanning at Siloso Beach, Sentosa.
Hehs. Eventhough the outcome doesnt look so obvious- that what my friends said.
But there are some difference! hahas. Yey.
I was having a good chat with you yesterday!
Fruitful one! hahas.
Thanks for inviting me to go! Lets go again next time.

Going back home on 6 of November.
Phew-
will be busy at home then- which is good. Hahas.
If not will boring like hell. lolls.
At hometown I will:
be having Chinese tuition
tennis course
driving course
piano tuition
be helping my sister
be having holiday to Jakarta-

Yep Yep.
Will miss Singapore by then- lolls.

Enjoy To The Fullest

Now is holiday--
Still got 5 more English remedial sessions-
Pheww..
Tomorrow got NE Engagement Workshop-
dont know what, I think I will just turn up. Yep.

Today was watching High School Musical 3: Senior Year-
not bad and the dance movements are great~ (:

Umm-
money is a bit tight at the moment after shopping for my family-
(not for me)
shopping for me will only start on 6 Jan!!
after i come back to Singapore- lolls.

Ummm.
Few more days then back to hometown liao.

"Think about your future but remember to enjoy your present to the fullest- school days"

Boo!

Vietnamese Visitors
yeah-
last week there were visitors from a school in Vietnam.
They were great!
I tried to make friends with them-
helping out in the chemistry lab for some 'shows' for them. hahas.
then, ya- having a farewell games at night on the day before they went back to Vietnam.
Hahas. Having some fun with them, with all those funny games. Hahas.
Received some stuff/presents from them as a farewell gifts. Thanks alot!
I hope that we could keep in touch- yapp.
Thanks for my friend who invited me to go to the farewell night. ((:

Returning Home
Um. For those who are returning home-
remember that our lives is just like wave-
there is time when we are up there- and of course, when we fall.
Btw, take care and enjoy your long holiday!!

English A1 Remedial
Phew- in spite of the long holiday,
I am having English remedial.
I did not fail my test but ya-
is kinda just pass. lols.
52% thats why-
i am going for remedial for 6 sessions until 6 Nov (the day I am going back to hometown)
I will study for this English lolls

4.13 Farewell
So sad-
farewell is always the hard time.
spent 2 years together as a class with all the good and bad things.
I guess we had a very good times together ((:
I hope we can be forever friends ((:
Take care all of you guys!
Enjoy your holiday and.. see you next year in school!

Year 5 Next Year
Booo!! Next year I will wear different tie~ phew-
new year- new environment- and girls are coming in to our school.
OG 09 and i have known most of my group members. ((:
I hope that I can make friends with them. Yap-
Hope can know more friends in the cohort ((:

Today
Yapp--
today I was intending to go shopping for my family in my hometown
but ended up only buying something for my friend. hahas.
Planning to buy the stuff next time in Bugis and Orchard perhaps.
Cannot find the stuff today, nothing attracts me much-
yap- or either it is just not supporting my thought for the stuff

Happy holidays!

Unforgetable Wonderful Series

Wake up at 1000h this morning-
hehs.
continuing my Hanakimi series.
then go out with my juniors and their friends.
Kinda fun- going to Bugis and Clarke Quay-
take a lot of pictures ((:
Thanks a lot for inviting me to join y'all!
I have a great afternoon!~

Reach home then set my computer for continuing the last two episodes of Hanakimi.
It is just an irreplacable series to watch.
They are just amazing- as well as the plot, message, and etc!
Sometimes wish to meet them- the actor and actress~ ya- Japan. Pheww.
Sometimes I hope to be an entertainer/actors-
haha. I think its too much for me-
I dont have the appearance for it. lolls.
Just being myself i guess.
I wish.. Yap~
I learned a lot from the series!
Unforgetable wonderful films!
The friendship- love- confession- lies- truth- and everything!

Good night! BABY! hahas. XD
Hibari--- Fourr!! lollls.

kOhar

Hanakimi Rockz

Christmas Dinner

Phew-
It's too fast to celebrate Christmas.
Ya- but this is the time when we celebrate the end of our year too (:
Come together- having fun-
saying farewell to our Y4s and Y6s.
The whole event was too great!
the JCRC having their very first live performance.
at first we afraid that this would be lame-
ya. not doubting that some boarders do not like us-
do not appreciate us for our work.
Yap- we accept it.
We are trying to.. ya.. create a truly home away from home.
I am sure we all were happy (:

Hanakimi

Ya- randomly asking this japanese film series from my friend.
This is a super cool series-
ya. so many things to learn.
Japz people are open. Ya- being open is good-
to friends, to family.
But, we have different culture-
we are just different.
But at least I feel happy after watching each series.
Now at episode 10 liao. 2 more to go.
I wish I will have a very fruitful friendships with my friends.
I wish I can go Japan again, one day. Ya- so cool.

2nd Hand Bazaar

Phew-
yesterday was having a second hand bazaar at Tanglin Mall.
it was so great-
selling stuff from 2pm to 11pm nonstop.
Coming back to boarding school at 0000h the next day.
Feel so good raising fund for helping others.
"Put others over ourselves"
Yep- I think we managed to sell a lot of stuff
eventhough there are still lots left.

Humm.
Today Im going to fill my CASL form then.
Urm. going out with my juniors- yepp.
his church friends.
Ya- kinda shock-
out of sudden ask me to join them-
that's cool tho'
maybe can make new friends (:

Pheww-
Have a nice day!

Serious Cornelius, we do have fun!

16 October 2008
Yeah- I know that this year coming to an end soon X:
Means that 4.13 Cornelius 2008 comes to an end too.

I am having a great time with all my classmates:
mix of locals and various foreigners (including me)

3.13 Haggai 4.13 Cornelius
All the fun that we have
and all the suffer that we earn
together (for most of us)
like losing class key, scolded for the mess in class, push-up position, and etc.
Those that bring unity in our class
as well as those fun like what we have today-
blindman, musical chair, captain's ball,
listening to Physics short review-
that all were cool!

we have no failure for physics.
Yeah- we have been hardworking for this exam period-
and I guess it has been paid for most of us-
we are getting back our result tomorrow!
and for most of you who are not satisfied,
is ok- remember that we still have our friendship circle that will last forever, i hope.

remember when we grow old later,
this moment of time-
all the events till all the details,
and do not forget to have reunion in our old days
and work together- yeah, friends forever.

Will miss you all guys next year!

kOhar

Shout!

Tomorrow is the last paper, A.Maths Paper 2--
finally, after all the hard work-
all the fun by playing bridge with gang- at cafe Bobo- hehs.
then shopping spree will begin~

Thanks for all my classmates-
for all the good and bad things-
for being my friends and classmates for these 2 years-

I just want to shout:
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!
MISS YOU ALL MY FRIENDS :D ~~

Language Art P1 and IHS blekkkz :X

Bleerrkkzz.

Whatever--

Ageliatiarism buehhh.

I dont even know how to spell it-

and it is not even in the file-

omg omg. just hope not to fail.

I just chunk everything inside-

only 5citations, ya- hoping to pass.

my worse handwritting from the mid of the paper but still legible X:

DBQ seems ok for me but HBQ is horrible terrible bubble bubble-

bahhhs.

please dont fail me- pheww.

Language Art-

haiz doctor

distinction-

what is the story about woorrr..?

But at least i did what I can-

tomorrow paper 2 for lang art.

all the best for you all and me also.

heehhhhhs.

dont fail me pls- behhh.

Alzheimer

Looking at newspaper-

planning to widen my fact for exam tomorrow

but addicted to finish the story on

Alzheimer,

reminds me at my age-

yah. so old liao

I want to help the caregiver

emotional support.

Yah- soon.

Tomorrow exams start.

Good luck everybody.

Preparing My Bullets

Yes- Last day of school.
All went well at this moment-
the atmosphere of tension papers have started by the Juniors and Seniors
and soon- I will join them-
Hoping all the best for my preparation of bullets-
So, when I bang bang bang to the paper-
yea- the outcome shdnt be that bad-

for those who have just received your trial shooting results-
from there you know which rank you stand,
and how many more bullets you need to prepare to beat the papers.
It is nt the competitors are the opponent,
but the papers are.

I am going to release myself to the outlife there today-
and start to create my bullets by then..

Kohar.

Live Well

I think I live well today-
did all the best I could for today-

to my friend who almost fall into a fight,
just do not dwell into it so much-
'marks are not everything'.
that is what I really learnt today-

Have a nice day.

Most Sweet to Most Bitter

I have tasted-

taste of this life-

taste of this world-

sweet and bitter-

sour and plain-

Now I might think that I know much

that I know a lot

that I know most of things in this world.

But, as I feel that I know more-

as I know more and more-

I feel that I still do not know many things out there-

this intensity of sweetness and bitterness

still can increase exponentially by time.

I know how loneliness feels

I know how alone feels

I know how lost feels

I have tasted how love tastes

I have tested how smiling tastes-

there are too much things to list,

I have seen the dark side of this world-

the betrayal-

the backstabbing-

I have seen the lights of this world-

care-

and love.

Mature-

boon or bane?

Childish-

boon or bane?

I just really dont know.

My age has reached 17-

soon or later, without knowing-

20 is approaching.

I only can envy at people-

looking at how good they are-

and just simply think that they are my role model-

even though just a stranger-

ya.. that's my life-

I do not know why I write blog twice today-

I just realli feel to write this thought down-

I realli wann to have a hi-tech camera (:

I just feel older and older-

with my childish soul and matured thought at the same time?

time has gone very fast-

like wind in the dessert, blows all the sands.

Honour's Day

First of all,

thank you for teachers

who gave me these various awards.

Eventhough it sounds like a sardine

in a package of 1000 sardines,

I really appreciate it.

Thank you-

for the 3x5secs on the stage-

it is something to me-

not about the papers-

not about the name-

but it's about the trust you have put on me.

I realised something when I was on the stage-

and I learnt something in each 5secs on there.

Thank you for those who clap for me-

I was not searching for popularity-

but I realli appreciate your claps,

that show that I am a part of each of your life-

classmate - everybody, thank you

Each 5seconds do not mean much too me-

it is not the prove of your trust.

Your trust is proven by your action and words.

Each 5 seconds make me understand something

that it was for them-

ya, i am sure-

for our parents and relatives present there.

It's to give them the pride that

they are our parents.

The photos you have taken by

dragging your feet specially to the front of the stage,

shows that you proud of your son or daughter.

And I definitely and very sure that your son is also very happy for your presence.

I am just so happy-

in this busy type of life everybody have,

chased by time,

there are still parents willing to wait their son's turn to be 'honoured' on the stage.

Even it is not me,

ya- I am still happy for them.

Also congrats for you all- for your various achievement.

Last three were very amazing-

national,

international

standard-

sports.

Ya, just wondering when I will be able to become like them-

have something to be really proud of-

not just simply for recognition-

I will be one day..

_____________________________________

I want to write a letter to my mom:

Dear Mom,

I hope this letter arrived to your place, somewhere..

I know it is kinda too late to make you proud of me-

but I just wann to tell you that I love you,

I remember that I only said that three-words once to you during your lifetime.

you are amazing for me and of course for your other sons and daughter.

I was wondering if you were there when I was on the stage-

receiving the honor.

I regret that I never bring you around this new school.

Now everything is just too late

but I will not forget you, always.

Ya- I hope that you are proud of me-

and I hope you are happy, anywhere you are right now, up there.

Love,

your son.

__________________________________

For all of you who are talented, and etc.

Use that to make your parents proud of you-

...

__________________________________

To: all parents out there

I hope that all of you are proud having your sons or daughters.

I hope that all of you willing to spend your little time to your son's precious moment at school.

It will not come twice or three times.

It will just happen once- and that's it.

I am sure your presence will be greatly appreciated by your son.

because all of those are not about the awards,

not about the certs-

it is about your presence.

Your sons do not want acknowledgement from their whole school or peers

just because an award- they can just simply their friends about it.

But they want to prove to you all that they want to make you proud of them.

Regards,

Kohar

6 More Days

Yah-
recently was so happy looking at surroundings, environment, sky, people-
yeah- just kinda give a sense of happiness somehoww-
simplicity?

Exams are coming soon and now Im revising my Physics.

Yeah-
feel like buying new phone liaoo (after exam must must buy liao~ haha!)
my phone camera spoil liao- hais.

after sch was at library-
gt ex-sch teacher came- lame. bahh.

then, this morning was getting half cohort scolding-

demerit points for swimming for some people? hais..
hope not la- or else that will be vy lame-

thats it for today-
6 more days to start the battle field.

7 Days Left

Boooooo~~!!
Seven days left worr.
Exams are coming. lols.
Lucky got Hari Raya Puasa in the midst of the exam, so can prepare better for the next papers. Pheww--

Exactly one week of 'stress' then shopping time wor. hahas.

Today was revising my physics. lolls.
and it was a slacking school day~ lolls.
Got phototaking-
then extra recess. blahblahblah.
exam briefing (boring~) hahas.

and dinner today starts at 7pm. sobb.
hungry- feed me feed me- pheww.

This week will boost my physics skill- hehes.

and also need to submit my essay by this week- try to finish the final one by tonight worr.

kOhar

Thanks

If you think you are handsome,
say thanks to those who you think are less handsome,
because of them you are handsome.

If you think you are smart,
say thanks to those who you think are less smart,
because of them you are smart.

If you think you are tall,
say thanks to those who you think are less tall,
because of them you are tall.

If you ask me,
then those who are least handsome, least smart, and least tall should thanks to who?
They should thanks back to the others,
because they have other things that other people are not so good at (:

I wann to thanks to mirror
who never lies to me-
show me when im ugly
show me when im handsome
show everything about me-
good and bad.

I think its really the time to be a good boy (:

thank you for those out there who spent time wif me-
thank you for those who have been there for me.

I feel that there is something missing in my life-
looking at other people's life.
simplistic what i missed?
or.. harmonies?
there is something gone- from my life.. innocence?
try to fight back for it (:

Humm- yar-
exams are so near right now-
hope all my study planning is going to work :X
just wann all the best for my result-
not so concern about it- i'll just do what i can do.
then after my exams go shopping!!
lollsss.

Lists: (tentatively)
- shoes
- slippers
- handphone
- (bag)?
- necklace
- presents
- many thingss woorrrr..

LolllS.
Thanks :3

The Meaning of Life

"The Meaning of Life"
It is my term 4 assessment.
Sounds so easy but yet so difficult,
sounds so difficult but yet so easy.

Everybody have their own ideas on their own meaning of life.
Each individual has different purpose and meaning.
Yes- you think that it is easy to describe your own meaning of life.
It can be purely from religion,
purely from family,
or other sources.
It also can be from combination of all factors.
It also can be purely from your own heart, feelings, brain, knowledge, or whatever it is. It also can be combined though-

I was sitting down in the library just now- for an hour,
explaining my own meaning of life.
sounds so chim to my teacher who reviewed my papers-
it is so unique or if you wann call it unusual.
I believe most of this concept of my own meaning of life comes from combination of my family, past experience, religion, my beliefs, and some others factors.

But I have -so called- 'conclude that all of these are just believe.
Believing something that you cannot see,
something that you believe to be true,
but the fact- yet- you never know, you really never know whether it is occuring or not.

Ya- now what I need to do is to ammend some part of my essay.
eventhough some people think it is so chim but interesting.
Ya- but really, it is my stand, my own stand.
I do not know whether it will change as time flies-
but I believe in it as per now.

-------

Hehs. I so long never blog liao-
My exams are coming soon! lolls. was 'mugging' but not that enthu..
I just called it hardworking- lolls. doing what I can.

Many things were going on these few days:

I was having conflict with my outside friend,
it was my fault, and i just wann to apologise.
sorry, once more time.
hope u forgive me and we cann still be good friends.

I so long never watch movie liaoo-
was studying. sob. this sunday going to watch-
last movie before my exam start- maybe "Disaster Movie"

oh ya- Famous JJBC hahas.
"Apa sihh, Bill?" keep it up worr.
im really enjoying your jokes- dry one please.
it becomes trend now- lolls.

Umm. was kinda playing facebook also- hahas.
"Elven blood" for fun.

Maths are getting harder and harder!
Need to revise and practice.

I was kinda having some on9 friends currently,
but not sure who can be my gd friends.

I think that's all.
Just try to appreciate my life-
I am not that bad overall.
Thanks to everybody,
sun, stars, and moon who take care of me,
strangers around me who make the atmosphere of life,
and also imaginary friend who always accompany me- whenever i feel lonely.

Successful and Significant

I just back from my boarding school Koinonia-
today's Koinonia is kinda special-
started with 'Stranded' quiz- my hallmate won.
then- continue with some worships- (nice songs!)
eventhough I am not devout
and the 'band' is very nice- ((:
then there was this one old boy from my school
who gave a sharing and sang a song-
what he said is true- it is just like what I am thinking for some times
that we will not want to end our success.
Once we want to have thing, called it A.
after we achieved "A" then we want to obtain "B", and so on.
It will just not meet an end point anywhere.

Being a successful person is very good-
but being a significant person in a good way is much better (:
I was thinking in class- looking at the absentees boards-
two names were absent today, and one for yesterday.
If you wann to know how significant you are in your class,
it is not by asking people or whatever it is.
It is just to be absent in a class, and if you feel something is incomplete in the class atmospehere,
then that person is significant as it has impact on the class.
It is just one example that I thought for these few days.
However, thinking further, I am kinda worry over myself too.
Will people remember me when I die?(Not to be vain but just wann to have my life to be significant in this life)
Like my mom,
I am quite sure that many people will remember her, not only just the whole big family from top to below- but also her friends- good friends or even not the so close one.
Sometimes I think- what happen after we die?
Not being afraid of die, but just curious what will happen.

Sometimes I think what my friend says is right,
"Silence is golden"
Keep my mouth shuts will help me not to talk bad about other people, i guess.
I just wann to be good. that's all.
I dont know why I cannot believe in something superstitious.
What I believe is, if i live and do good to others, it is as good as having a superstitious 'guidelines'.

Things to do:- Revise, revise, and revise chemm bioo phyys
(omg my physics is horriblee!!)
- be nice to my friends.
btw sorry to my friends if I did anything vy bad to you all ):

- Kohar Loves to Eat -

- Super Supper after Special Koinonia!! -

Bad Mood

Yesterday--

There was an aircon plus fan 'incident'

I am not the one who wann both of them to be turned on-

I am fine if only either one is on.

But ya- why the blames must be on me-

I just need to wait patiently until this year end-

and live a happy life, i hope.

Final exams are coming,

means year is going to come to an end soon- yeah.

I wonder who is my roommate next year.

Im kinda stressed with these people surroundings me-

Yesterday morning was a big downfall mood to me,

after that it follows to my classmate-

and now he wants to borrow my notes- last year notes-

It is not I do not wann to lend him but

days after days, i just feel him more annoying-

or.. annoying is not the word.. I dont know how to describe it..

Haiz. or it is because we are not so close anymore.

I dont know why i keep hating people.

I still prefer my outside school friends, or maybe Singaporeans.

I dont know why- I just feel better to get along wif them.

I wish.. if I have a different past- but nothing now can be changed.

-I got chocolate just now, during Chem tutorial-

-My sch library, second time studying there until closing time-

Cute or Cool

Another day I see the moon rises up in the dark sky.

6, I do not know what is cool.

13, do I look cute?-

15, I move to this wonderful country

17, now I am in this dilemma.

People think I look very childish?--

I look very cute-?

very- ugly?

or whatever.

Looking on a poster,
movie trailer,

CD cover,

anywhere-

there are always idol that I wanna be-

I know it's impossible.

I know that we should be ourselves.

Hair to toe to be followed-?

I know-

yesterday will not come twice.

and today- even this second- will not return again.

I will miss every single day that I have acrossed- happy and sad ones.

also the stressed of studying for my end of the year exams. >.<

Maybe-

and perhaps.

I think I am happy of what I am.

What I have.

and What I am doing.

No matter what bad things they say about me,

but I am not doing anything wrong,

not anything bad,

not anything harmful to them-

ya- I am just being myself.

-My Dinner-

-He Draws Ultraman Vy Cute One!!-

-Finally My A.Maths Homework Done; 7pages- :3

Midline Does Not Exist

Life is not as simple as choosing a,b,c,d of a multiple choice question,
which there is no half a-half b or quarter-a,b,c,d

It is just fixed, yes or no, right or wrong.

People say that i wann to be neutral
or whatever it is.

But the sad thing is that, that neutral line does not exist.

For example, the 2boxes below, point the middle line.

Now I want to ask you, do you still point the gray or the black one?

Midline does not exist in this life.

How objective you wann to be, how neutral you wann to be,

you are still on one side which you prefer.

Its called emotion-

These few days-
I was going to the library- kinda wholeday- noon till library closes at 9pm.
My new friend accompanied me ((:
He is vy good,
and motivates me to study.
At least I finished some of my Bio topics (30 chapters in total!)
and.. did some homeworks.
Haha..
These days are very fruitful to me!
He is just simply.. amazing, i guess.

And.. ya- he is super good and bought egg tart for me ((:
**Sorry I never eat in front of you--
but I really eat them all!
(Even I take picture of it)

It is very nice
* I thought you shd eat 2!!

Haha. Sad thing cant see you until we finish our exam! hahas.
Study hard for your first day maths and all the subjs. ((:
I am going to study for my EOY also
Thanks for the companion.

Oh ya, I think I am going to purchase a phone plan ((:
I am going to buy the nice nice phone that I like, flip one! hahas.
My sister said cann liaoo- hohos.

I think now I should be relaxing a while (last check point to relax)
School starts tomorrow!
It must be a good day! hahas.
Now must prepare to go meet my friend.
We go watch movie- last refreshment of this holiday.

When you see someone who
motivates you,
cares you,
and helps you.

When I feel very stupid,
lame,
and admire that person-
ya-- is very good person.

Nice to meet uu-
Enjoyed my prata yday! hahas.
banana's one.

Hope vve can be good friends ((:

*Mugging today*
**Exams are coming**

kOhar :3

Can I?

Can I have my innocent life back?
I am dwelling too much in this evil life-
bring me no good
bring me no happiness.

I hope this world is not that bad
that they suck everybody to doom.

Alphabets

Alphabets..
One's life is like alphabets,
they are hand in hand to form a word,
a sentence, a paragraph,
a short story, a long story,
or even a poem or a message.
That's why our name consists of various alphabets.
And we have many friends with others alphabets.

I have felt down yesterday, and again.
Back to zero? or even to negative magnitude.
even some has tried to pull me up,
but I still fall deeply.

Do I deserve this life?
and What is a friend actually?
________________________

When I was a child,
I was smiling.
When I have grown up,
frowns has overtaken it*

Now, I was standing here,
in front of the water of smiles.
Children are playing happily,
in a circle of smiles**

Laughters are everywhere,
from adults and elderly.
Does it remind them to their past?
Do they really laugh and happy?***

Now, I was sitting here,
in front of this machine.
Alphabets are typed,
questioning my life.?****

Wondering

"The Meaning of Life"
it's my PoD essay topic.
Forget it- i am not going to talk about
school stuff.

Up and down.
Ya- that what my life is.
Happy comes after sadness.
and Sad come after happiness.
I do not know which one comes first,
or I also do not even know which one is
hapiness and sadness.

Sometimes I do not know what I feel.
But I know that my tear wants to drop.
I do not know why.
But I really do come out yesterday.

People have already have an "E"
then they also want a "V" and so on.
"E" "R" "Y" "T" "H" "I" "N" "G"
We never be grateful of what we already have.

Love cannot be seen-
but I do feel it.
I want it.
But I do not know how to get it.

Last time one is chased not by a person, not by people, but by peopleSS.
Now one is chased not by a person, not two, but in front of my eyes, there are four- or more.

After two years,
I do not know where to go.
After few years,
I do not know what will happen.
Now I do not know what I want to be.
Should I go for engineering?
Is it really what my passion is?
Maybe it's true-
I am not suitable to be an entertainer.
even though that is what I really want.
Not sure how many people will support me for that-
yah- but I do not have the seeds for it.
Should I forget it.?

Looking at percentage at my sheets of papers.
I am just simply satisfied. not that much satisfied.
maybe just grateful from what I have sow long time ago.
But not numbers what I aim for.
I prefer the comments or..
friendship that I can get-

Everytime I happy,
I forget my sadness.
and everytime I sad,
I forget my happiness.

All what I wanted- ever is:
best friend
(I do not know whether this is exist in this world)
- (or it is just a term used in this world)

kOhar

Inhale and Exhale

Inhale..

Exhale..

Inhale..

Exhale..

And become a good boy!

kOhar :3

I wish I know how to arrange

I just want to say:

-[removed]-

your policy number 945 is very amazing.
even I do not know that it is existing today.

-[removed]-
forgetting my honour award or what ever it is.
-[removed]- that.

Dont think that you all have the most authority and do whatever you want.

do you know what,
-[removed]-

What' a' Weekend'

Every nights I spend for playing UNO.
It is not about the games.
It is not about the cards.
It is about the friendships.

Everytime I hate people,
I always talk behind them.
I know it is no good.
But everytime I tell them directly,
I feel worse.

Everytime I have an 'arrowed responsibility',
I always murmur to myself.
It is good to help other people.
But it is too late when I think "What if I become that person who has other things to do?"

Everytime my time is shorten by something else,
I got pissed!
Eventhough it is for something good for other people.

Sometimes I do not need to talk,
I always talk.
Even crap!

Sometimes I have given a good friend,
I do not know how to treasure them.

Sometimes i feel that I am the unluckiest person in this world,
it is too late for me to think about other people.

why i become so bad?

why i become so bad-tempered?

why i become worse?

why i become super baddd!!

sometimes when I want to share something with my friends,
i do not even know whether they listen to me.
so, this is the reason why i create this blog.

At least, I still want to thank my friends-
who accompany me eating
who accompany me watching movie
who accompany me doing work
who accompany me slacking,
playing, or even hanging out.

* I got Wall-E glass from Cathay! hehes.
* Tomorrow I got English prelim
* I am stressed now, somehow
* I better shut up now.

kOhar :3

Sky Diary

This post is meant for yesterday- XD

HuuMmm-- 'last day' of school of the week--
bahh. because im having o level english oral on friday which is school holiday!!
so unfortunate!! pheeww-

Lang Art B teacher was resigned!-- hahas.
it is a high pressure to teach our school's students lols.
then another teacher came in to brief us about the final year exam.
not worrying about the paper one because its unseen.
but the paper two which comparative essay between two books!
I have not read the TFA and also do not understand.
Crap! Now I must go read for my final year exam. !! X(

Oh ya-
There was a LangArt Essay just for assignment.
But then since all students in our class managed to submit so..
she considered to take the best among 2 essays to be taken for term 3 marks. yeahh
i was expecting for 13/25 but it is 21/25! hahaa (: amazing. record of the year.
I did it kinda rush- lols.
talk so much about the first story but the second story kinda screwed up actually-
end up with 2 paragraphs for the second story and a short paragraph as conclusion. lolls
i did that for 2 days. at the library! yeahh.
happy XD

After school, there was this nightmare as usual--
remedial for o level! the worse thing is that attendance is not taken!! crap!
if i knew it, I would not come for it. many people pon-ing. sobb.

yeah.
then, end up to R's room using internet and fall asleep.
When I woke up-
it is just nice to take shower and prepare myself for dinner outside with my friends.
BJ!! hahas. super nice.
all my friends super full. hahahs. but the food are damn nice (paradox) hahas.
really nice though.
going home still got enriched supper Mc. hahas.
I ate again. (my stomach got something wrong I guess.)
I ate so much.. lucky never get fat!

late night then play UNO.
and i only won 1/10 games i guess. dung dung.

now today just woke up--
go to R's room.
steal his modem.
go fs-ing and blogging.
then later 413 and 415 got oral!! wkwkw. jy. all the best~

20 08 2008

Today's date is kinda special- 20 08 2008
eventhough not so significant but.. yahh- forget it (lame.)

uMm.
Many people have passed away this year in my family.
It was my mom- then my cousin.
Im so sorry to hear that. yahh- but i have learnt about this life- and there is something called mortality that we cant avoid not to happen.

Today IHS presentation was postponed and my teacher did not come-
Then Chem teacher was on MC. Therefore there was no class observation by principal.
(Haiz. everybody were in 'kuai' mode- wasted!) hahas.

I want to say thanks to J (: who taught me Bio until I understand
(I know nothing at all. and he taught me until so details)
sorry if i troubled you and.. made you miss your meal order.
and also thanks for accompanying me to CF.

Today was my first time go to CF.
It was kinda interesting for thought of the night (:
Eventhough I do not really believe in faith but.. ya, it is something to ponder on.

Thanks to A too who invited me to go CF.
and everybody who welcomed me there (: paiseh.

I think the junior batch performance is getting better.
yahh- well done.

Good nite people!
oh ya! Friday is holiday but still got English Oral O Level. haiz.

Thankful Tuesday

School is like usual--
getting closer to some friends (:

After school was very interesting-
(not the part of going library to borrow book for POD or Anthony Horowitz)
oh ya- Anthony Horowitz's book is super cool! lols. eventhough they are meant for children (: hehs.

the interesting part is when I was playing basketball with J, R, R, and L. Hahas.
Thank you very much for you all-
Then we played a half court friendly match with the Y6s. lolls.
super fun even I cant play well. at least there were no people laugh at me because I cant play like in the past. or bullying or whatever. (: thanks for today.

Tomorrow is IHS presentation- with G.
Then I am also going to submit my POD reflection about religions. (:

For my junior,
I dont know what they think about me.
but I want to say sorry if i 'hurt' you or what-so-ever.
I did not mean it. I just want you all to present the best when the event comes. okkk.
but if you realli want to hate me, it is your choice btw, i cant do anything-

Thanks for everybody who have make my Tuesday.

Dream, Thoughts, or Imagination

Huff..
Horrible Terrible--
Yesterday ii tried to sleep at 1230h
but then cant sleep--
in this dark room with thin sheets of fade lights from the roads--
I dont know why--

maybe i just slept for 5hrs only-- :/
then wake up with this 'dream', 'thoughts', or perhaps just an 'imagination':

it takes place at my parent's house-- particularly my brother room.
on the bed- nearer to the wall.
there is a scultpture-- buddhist sculpture (which was not there, it was on my living room fridge)
it is glowing very bright- sparkling very pure calm green lights. blazing.
somehow- my mom's body is on the bed next to the sculpture.
it keeps blazing. and my mom has been revived.
humm. then another sculpture in a cupboard (i cant remember the feature - but there never be a sculpture in the cupboard) keeps blazing, the same colour- calm green lights.
then, i was surprised in this 'dream', 'thoughts', or 'imagination' (my eyes still closed)
`*cant sleep well. and keep stirring on my small bed-
the sculpture somehow- 'says' or.. -i dont know what- talking about 3 days or 3 months or 3 years which i dont know what it means. it is kinda confused me.
but after that 3 or 3 or 3 thingy. i was dashing out from my brother's room.
I was so restless on my bed- ended up by woke up.
in 10 seconds, i am happy thinking that my mom is still alive. but was then, i realised that i just 'wake up' or.. open my eyes and back to this real life where my mom is physically not around in this world-
i dont know what this 'dream', 'thoughts', or 'imaginations' mean..

``just hope that wherever my mom now, she is happy-
could be up there, or could be reincarnated.. whatever it is..
i just so sorry that i never brought her to my new school in Singapore-
she wants me to study hard and-- yeah, its too late to ask her to come here and walk around my school now..
i hope when she is no more around, she could fly here, look at me studying in this school. make her proud of me.

________________________________________________

huhh. such a restless morning,
then got this school socks incident.
i sent all my pants to laundry- ended up go to school wearing short pants.
realising that there will be chapel in the morning-- which means there will be sock checks::
looking at my plain white socks-- crap! i dashed to my friends room to ask for a sock. because i lost my another sock. so i just need to borrow one piece instead of one pair.
my friends have gone down- or only have a pair left-
at least, "A" has a kind heart to lend me one piece and he himself wearing non school socks.
Thanks A!!

Malay class incidence.
"Seperti Seludang Menolak Mayang" peribahasa, i hope the guy-involved shot at his heart after listening to this peribahasa. Marks are not everything in life dude!

Nothing much happen then--
normal stuff- briefing, recess, free period, etc.

Things to do:
POD reflections on buddhism
IHS Presentation
ISO Presentation
Malay Pidato
and revising for final year exams :3

Thanks for "G" and "R" and "J" for being my closest classmate (:
not forgetting the rest too :) lupp u all hahas. (sounds so Jerry-pink!) blerkZ!

Sibilance Sunday

Humm-
Today woke up late- 11am hahas :) pigging. :3
lols.

then go on9 checking friendster and msn.
saw my 'ex' friend there.
talked with him. i guess we were trying to be 'nothing happen'

then went KFC eat the variety meal- hahas.
and studying bio there.

going back to hostel
studying bio few chapters! achievements. lollls.
started revising le- hahas.

I think my bro' hate me. huum :/
Im getting confused too-

Eating early dinner at market behind-
wanted to eat chicken rice but closed-
so ended up eating minced meat noodle and drink iced milo. huum.
super full.

doing ihs presentation and met my 'ex' friend again.
he looked so happy with his best friend.
a heart-pain. loud laughters.
its ok. i am nothing le.
i it just words to utter 'best friend' from him to me in the past.
humm- nvm forget it.

Then continued practicing my IHS presentation with G for our presentation this week :)
lools. it was super funny. chasing with seconds. huumm.
just hope for the best when the day comes.

"Am I too choosy"?

My Weekend

Uhhmm-- my weekend,,

yesterday busy and duty,,

Today,, full of filming--

(those who curious in boarding school- wait the premiere date (: lols)

Finally I eat my proper dinner

I only ate biscuits for lunch :(

btw-- my hair was painted blue-- super cool

see my picture above lolls :) love it muack muackz.

Then, play badminton with friends and assistant hall tutor-

super fun (:

then watching my friends practicing dance-

feel so bad though-- someone seemed does not allow me to go in--

can sense it,, i just feel not right-- sorry.

Actually now i confused about what CCAs to take next year-

dance? or squash? i like both-- but i think it is impossible to take both-

dance will have its SYF next year.. ummm.. and squash is healthy- sport.

hummm. because if i take both- i dont think i can manage my time well.

haiiz. sure drop jcrc and put interact club exco as consideration first :/

Hufff-- friendship now..

I also dont know what he is thinking-

he thinks that I am moving away from him-

close friend is what we called it

but other people think that it is some stupid 3letters-word.

i really dont understand.

people think that it is wrong to have a guy as your good friend--?

haiz. i think he is just kinda immature. ya. perhaps.

he just need something to reflect on.

nothing much i can help-

like a door-

depends how big you want it to open and how many air passes through it..

that picture above- is my friend Ronald (my 'literature teacher' (: lols) hahas.

i just get a random idea about this photoshop-ing his picture.

i think i shd take a step- in many aspects.

it is the time to change. anytime is the right time. anythings to be changed better.

friendship--

does not going out with my usual friends mean that i am moving away further from them?

hais. i really confused. i do not think bad about them- i realli consider some of them as my very good friends. not idealism. not perfect friends.

One is Important

I am confused-

brotherhood is not that easy-

Humm-

Tomorrow I will be occupied as an 'actor' lols. (:

oh ya- that paper in the picture is used for my ISO poster- lols.

3D poster- waiting my friends to create the 3D part-

I have faith in them that they are .... - working

hahas (:

__________________________________________

Umm-

Habit is so difficult to be changed

I wish I dare to take the first step-

many things have changed within me for this 22months since I arrived at Singapore-

yahh..

Singapore is nice (: but.. I think I need to be friends with more Singaporeans..

-- I mean, good Singaporeans..

I have 'succeed' get rid of my deepest problem- somehow- with few helps from various people.

Thanks for them and I hope I dont get into that evil path anymore.

Ya- more local friends will be very helpful, i guess.

I just do not know how to start this first step-

Hatred

I don't know why--
I hate them--
They only can joke--
Use a portion of their brains--

I am not prefect though..
I really dont know how to express this..
I have given up my hope on my 'good friend'
Currently having one good friend,
but -- i guess, we kinda different..
Not sure how it goes by then..

Do they ever think or at least appreciate my hardwork?
413'08- I want to get rid of this code -
and move on to 5xx'09
being spread--
not together--
and be brand new--

Haiz.

I feel so bad.
Yeah- so bad.

I just felt like I cant keep my mouth shut-
and many stupid words come out--

Better my mouth to be shut and talk necessarily--

Sometimes some stuff are like butterflies.
When you stay still, they will come to you.
And when you keep moving and disturbance, they are moving far far away from you.

Idol?
Role model?
Actors or whatever.
My bro said, people always envy everybody and I replied that it is like a chain.
Sometimes I felt so bad to envy people. but yeah-- i really envy them.
Why do they have such a good appearance?
Or why are they so talented etc..?
Things are never be enough..
Like a local movie that I just watched-
we wont feel poor when we havent felt poorer than poor.

For my bro,
I hope- i dunno- what do you think about me?
But I will try my best to take care of you-
Thanks.

KohaR- friends are just fiends with an 'r'

Words For People That I Know

I will write words for those that I know in reference to the first letter of their full names.
My friends, do not be too sensitive over this, because this might not refer to specific you.
If you are assaulted, do not worry, it is not you

A - loves to turn red and sometimes being kiasu and weird
B - A same type of genotypes of 100% kiasu
C - I know you are trying to be responsible- thats good! but I think you need more passion.
D - Listen more than talk more!
E - Things have changed a lot, aren't they?
F - Long time no see! You were pretty, are you now?
G - You are too biased! Dont you realise that people do not like you?
H - You are a good friend, I hope we can be good friends- (sounds impossible?)
I - a good roommate overall
J - maybe my expectations over you is too much! But now I wont expect anything from you, as simple as nothing.
K - too kepo
L - Overall you are good but... (ah-- maybe you are still too young)
M - disgusting and keep your mouth shut.
N - stop your silly dark side! I am irritated. Just shut up!
O - stop get influenced by nonsensed people and be more mature!
P - 100% kiasu
Q - (Queue?)
R - I hope that I can be your good friends, but maybe we are in two different worlds? But still thank you for everything until now. You make a difference^^
S - are you good or bad? I have no idea.
T - Thank you for being a wonderful biology teacher last year!
U - Stop being too chatty and irrational!
V - I love you for the first time, but fate does not allow?
W - Arrogant and kiasu as well- local type.
X - (I have been x-rayed once)
Y - Be more approachable and friendly and caring and ... flexible
Z - (I want to thank the zebra cross on the roads which allows me to step on them)

Cries

Water

from my eyes

can't be

poured out.

Instead,

inside,

undescribable

feeling.

Somebody..

gives me

advice

how to cry-

Existence

Heartpains.

Ya. That's the word.

Happy.
That's also true.

That what I feel

when I know,

meet,

talk to you.

Too much expectations-

undescribable-

brotherhood?

just friends-?

Two different worlds

but yet the same.

Two different times

but yet still indifferent.

All have been clarified,

or.. just a portion?

Confused

but settled-

Maybe that's true.

There is no existence

of good friend.

But you say it does

exist.

good friend-

what does it really mean?

Three Hundreds and Sixty Four a Quarter

Why a week starts with sunday or monday?
Why not tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, or even saturday?

Why is grass green?

not blue, pink, white, or even black?

This is a poem of friendship.

Warmth of love.

love of care.

care of feelings.

Baby starts to stand.

Toddler starts to walk.

Child starts to run.

Teenager starts to study.

Man starts to work.

Elderly starts to compile their thoughts.

This is will be just once, ever.

We might never meet again.

Lover to friends,

is one to many.

Like a bridge,

you might have crossed

successfully.

However--

we-- us--

all of us here--

stand on the other side,

joining to your side using another bridge.

Still the same island tho',

we still might meet--

might be difference from the last time.

We never know.

We just need to wait the clock to talk

or wait the grass to hiss out.

But the sky will always be the witness

and never die.

Singapore's Day

Errmm..
Everything looks alrite here..
Enjoying--
my friend-- J.
then eating cakes, hahas.
chattin''

then tomorrow do work! hahas.

kOhar.

Back to Singapore

Back to Singapore tonight!!
Back to school.
Back to boarding school.
Back to those life.
Hoaaaaaaaaemm--

kOhar.

Jay Chou

Apparently, Jay Chou is so cool. haha.
-wannabelikehim- (eventho kinda impposible) haha. nvm.

erm.
school life is going to back from the outerspace soon.
And I still got chemistry and langart homework. bah.

I think when I go back to Singapore, I need to settle some stuff.
friendship matters, living place, and-- school stuff.. kyaa!! haha.

jay chou rox. =X

kOhar.

Birthday Dinner

It is going to be very boring tho--

Super boring--

Nevermind-- it's to make my family happy, not me--

Thanks for those who trying to make me happy, but I think you are not dude.

bahhx.

birthday

It's just a birthday afterall.
bahh. huh.

Role Model

It has been a period I never write blog..

My birthday is tomorrow-- and as usual, I do not feel anything is goin' to happen.
Is just a birthday anyway, only expecting present from family.. that's all..
i'm thinking to treat my friends. humm. since i nver treat my friends during my bday before.

now, left are my lang art homework and chemistry is in progress. huff. i do not know how to finish all of them. Im getting crazy btw.

Happy holiday? Family is not the best option after all. Friends are the best. I miss my friends in Singapore. Sob.

My family kinda boring.
My mom has left.
My father is having his own 'business' everyday.
My sister is super duper busy even she has no time for us or her children. I mean, "special time" which exclude her working stuff.
For example, when I asked her to go out once.. which is yesterday.. she was driving and I think she was on phone the whole journey.. Bahhhh..
My brother is super bad-tempered and does not realise that I am beside him, so that make me guilty (yea, I just too sensitive, even tho the words are not for me)
Worse part, he got some problem with his girlfriend. Bahh. Make me headache. It is only 2 days ago when we had dinner together. I just do not want to take part in his problem. However, if he lazy to talk, he will ask me.. He tot im what huh!! rabbit?
My another brother.. I have no comment for him.. He has his own life with his family.. I dont expect much from him..

Finally, I know they care me somehow but I just do not want it, i guess. I am too tired of their behaviors. thats why I feel that better I do not go back home and stay over at my friend's house.

I realli need someone rite now.

kOhar

Thinking From Much Too Much

I do not know why..

Why I think so much over all things..

Pheww~~

kOhar.

Leaves

This morning I didn't go to my bro's stead bday surprise party
but I went to my ex-primary school to collect my nephew n niece's report books.
It's kinda touching there..
The place is not changing at all..
Only a bit here and there..
The collection of report book is not that glamorous or whatsoever
and the theme is kinda so so.. "Thank You Father n Mother"
But when the times come I just feel sad..
Instead of their mother collects their report books, I was the one who collected them.
Perhaps it is just a nothing for me but in their point of view,
I am kinda sure that they are expecting their parents to come.. Either one, both are better.
To see some children with no parents are coming is so sad..
Pity them, I know what they feel, not exactly, but at least I know..

I think I am too despo already.
Finding courage to talk to my sister?
Talk to her about my problems.. bahxx..
after few minutes thinking, i have remove that silly idea from my mind..
my two brothers?
no hope..
They are supposed to be good examples?
issit easily get angry in traffic?
or.. punctuality?
I know I am not that perfect but at least I need a figure to follow.. at least, yeah..

My alternative way is to find a friend..
Just simply a single friend..
One enough..
who really wants to know me, talk to me..
shares with me.. and have fun together..
it is impossible to hang out daily but at least I have someone in my heart..
yeah.. to talk and think about..
how wonderful it is..

Maybe its true what my counselor said that guys are hardly answer directly
that's true..
It is not easy to ask those friends to hang out together..
and
I have no idea how to get a girl..
Sometimes I am too despo to think that no girl likes me..
but sometimes I think the other way round..
Haizz.. I wonder if there is one..
Really the one..
Someone who I like, and vice versa.

Im gonna plan my schedule for this week until having my way back to lovely Singapore
including doing essay..
reading novels..
locking myself in the room..
and..
finding friend(s).. =)

I just need somebody to help me get rid of this weirdo activity-- totally out..

Emptiness

It's really empty--
Yeah-- that's true..
Everything..

Invisible Warmth

Invisible Warmth

It's really something that I cant see
Something that I really need
now..

After my mom passed away,
I didnt really want to talk much about it to my other family members
but sometimes when we talk about it
we do not really want to dwell to much into it
we sometimes just put a grinning mask or..
just simply smiley mask on our faces

I do not know why $ are so important
moreover to my dad.
I know it is a necessary to have $ for surviving
but it does not take prior
some more related to my mom's death

Sometimes I am thinking to have a 'bro'
or girlfriend or good friend..
who if I stay beside him/her,
I will feel comforted or feel the invisible warmth..

A brother to hug..
A girl friend to share my room in my heart..
And a good friend to have a pleasant conversation..
It should be somwhere in the corner of this round world..

It is a bit funny if I am interested in a girl right now--
could be called accidentally
but I knew her before-- even we never meet
but somehow we have talked some stuff..
Should I like her? But
if I like her, will she like me? *pif*

Err..
My family..
They are just too busy--
too little time to have chat nice conversation and strolling around with me
working--
schools--
etc..
I just feel unwanted somehow--
not really unwanted,
it is just nothing difference whether I go back or not..
It does not really matter to them..

Somebody in hometown--
help me!!
somebody in Singapore--
help me when I'm back,, soon..

It is the same trap!

I think today is the end of everything.
I wont repeat my stupidest mistake again and again in the future.
All of these are enough.
I just need some encouragement and determination.
These encouragements seem that come out from other people.
However, nobody is able to be trusted-- nobody.

I really appreciate those who come to my room this super early morning =)
That was super helpful!
Thanks a lot!

Apologize

I just want to say my apologize to everybody that have been hurt by me.
or if I have given all of you problems.
Sorry..

I think I realise that actually this is my own burden to be lonely and maybe..
take the wrong path of life or else I wont get any friends,--
friends that i really need, good ones, understanding, and caring ones.

If you know how lonely feels,--
I feel more than what you have felt.

No points..

There are just no points..
I will just really ignore him..
Haha--
I hope if I can live alone--, really alone I mean.
I really meant it.
Like some characters in the movie,
having their own business in their life,
a lot of obstacles but handle them ourselves--
and having a really good friends, or flatmate.
that will be super cool.
I have no idea about what I am going to be in next few years.

That will comprise everything I guess.
I hate him!
******-- off with your term of other friends
Get LOST!

Clear.

The answer is:
He is not my best friend.
I am just an other friend.

I remember his fave song:

Nobody Knows It But Me
-Babyface-

Wish I told her how I feel,
Maybe she'd be here right now
but instead...

I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly but you're nowhere around

The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

I carry smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm trembling inside
And nobody knows it but me (yeah)

Lie awake, it's a quarter past three
I'm screaming at night if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah, my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me (well, well)

How blue can I get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
Billion words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still

The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

oooo oohhhhh yeah

Tomorrow morning, I'm a hit a dusty road
Gonna find you, where ever, ever you might go
And I'm gonna load my heart and hope you come back to me

(Say whent the nights are lonely)
(3x with adlib until fade)
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

*even i memorise this song*
*this songs reflect everything at the end of the day*
*not love but friendship*

Untitled--

My feeling is indescribable right now..

Objective for tomorrow:
Pretend to be happy =)

Expectations and Clarification

It's a lie if I say I am not sad.
But I have already expect this too happen.

I have too high expectations on a person that I consider as good friend which he does not consider me as it.
As it is too high, it creates scars which are too deep in my heart.
However, its ok.. We are just 'friends' now.

Best friend is just one.
The rest are 'other friends'

Even if you say it is the other way round that,
I am not the 'other friends' but I am the 'close friend'
That is such a lie.

It's lucky that even now I want to cry, I could not cry.

And as you have found one,
you better treasure him-- whoever he is -- ok?

Bye--
'friend' does not exist for me-- and our schedules are so different.

BYE

My gratitude to ...

My friend said that my blog is too gloomy.
So now I want to say my gratitudes to people that I can remember..
Might be long and random, but I mean them a lot!! (not in order)

1. My drivers
who always sent me to school very early morning when I was schooling at my hometown

2. My maid
who nurtures me in my hometown and make me independent

3. My sister
who takes me to her house and family to teach me things in life

4. My mom
who has left--
and born me, supports me, and teaches me something that very precious without saying anything.. leaving her marks.

5. My dad
who might feel lost, is kind to me, and fulfil things that I want.

6. My second brother
who is giving a 'manly' behaviour in life for me to consider

7. My first brother
who is tough and could be some examples in some areas

8. My --dead sister
who I hope to be here in this world, I hope can see u here..

9. Gleen
who has been a good friend-- somehow-- even I 'not good' to you sometimes

10. Junsiong
who I treated as best friend even u dun treat me as so and taught me a lot of stuff in this life,
I hope u are happy and in good terms with your bestest friend there..

11. Ronald Gan
who accompanied me to shop and watch movie, appriciate them a lot!

12. Katie
who said that I changed her life,,--somehow-- perhaps..

13. classmates in Cornelius413
who regard me as their classmate

14. Uncle in the kitchen
who provides me food =)

15. Matthew
who accompanied me sometimes

16. JiaYuan
who I hope can be good friend with

17. Anderson
who wanted to listen to me

18. My brother in law
who loves me-- even it is not shown directly

19. the sky and grandstand
who allows me to stare and sit on to cry

20. actors and actress in the movies
who give me some lessons or moral to think about and become as examples

21. Samuel, Kalvin, and Yoka
who give me chance to play badminton in interhall competition

22. Ms. Alice Pang
who gives me support and courages

23. Ms. Goon
who appreciates my school works.

24. Ms. Chia
who encourage me a lot in everything I have done and do

25. All those 'stupid people'
who gives me big problems so that I can learn something real in this life and do not take things for granted

26. Victor
who allows me to be with his bestest friend for a while. Thanks

27. Indon schoolmates
who gives me all feelings -- laughters and sadness -- in past years

28. Joshua
who wanted to meet me

29. Doctors and nurses
who at least do their best to survive my mom

30. Ian
who accept me as roommate

Sometimes I just want to laugh--
when I want to cry inside

Sometimes I want to have someone who cares me a lot by my side--
when I look strong outside

Sometimes I want to be appreciated--
when I have done my best

Sometimes I want to have normal life--
when the others look so happy of it

Sometimes I feel so lonely--
when thousands people are surround me

Sometimes I feel so weak--
when people think I am so strong and tough

Sometimes I want to shout all my problems--
when I have no courage to shout

Sometimes I just want to end my life--
when everything is just so nothing for me..

Sometimes people think I am so good--
when actually I am a bad person

Sometimes people think I am super smart like robot--
when actually I feel the burden of it and actually I am not that smart.

I just want to cry..
on a shoulder where I really can rely on..

Shopping Day~

Today I woke up late -- around 0830hrs
haha-- so I didnt wake my roommate up.. lolx..
sorry, my roommate.. miss breakfast..
Hope eu enjoy your holiday.. (+ con camp)__
Sure I will go to con camp too if I were you, because I failed two subjs. Haiz..

Then, since I have nothing to do, I planned to shop around..
I went to Orchard Rd with Ronz. Haha.
Watched Made of Honor, which is damn stupid haha.
Nice movie btw.

In between the story I met Joshua.
Haha, no comment, we only met up for few seconds.

After the movie, I just walked around with Ronz.
Haha. Kinda cool-- shopping, talk rubbish-- and some useful topics, correct right Ronz.? Haha.

Shopzz super a lot-- until very tired..
Then back to boarding-- 'isolated place' haha.

Nitez,
Kohar

Holiday has started?

Huhh--
Has holiday started yet?

Oh my god-- I damn bored--
No friends around, -- I mean real friends -- best friends --
Super bored!

I need good friends..

Sob T_T

June is coming

Huhh--
fortunately, so many things have done last week..
Interact Club regrouping, 121people altogether--
it is kinda tiring, however it is responsibility and I enjoy it..
People might not know how does it really feel if they have not try to do it. =)

High table dinner '08 has been over too.
JCRC installation, the pledge, the serving manners, and many others..
So happy all have been done--
However, I realise that there will be still a lot of responsibility to be taken in the future--
including all the obstacles..

About the test--
71.1% for me is not a bad line, i guess, eventhough I know that I can do much better.
I just hope that my 34points do not trigger a 3-weeks-lecture from my sister.
I just want a happy life-- normal life-- the same holiday as what my peers have..

I have decided about the other test,
I am not going to take it.. It is all about myself overall,
Eventhough it is about matter of life or death--
I believe that if I should die, then let it be-- it was all my fault since the beginning, it's true--
Of course, I hope that I do not get the worst case--
I only can hope

Friendship kinda difficult here--
Not as simple as spelling it into f.r.i.e.n.d.s.h.i.p
also not as simple as what I have seen in Television,
--asking people to be my friend, or ask them just simply to go out together--

Family too, I hope I have a good time during this holiday,
eventhough I have realised that my mom is not there anymore,
but I will only can feel it when I am at home later--
I just afraid to face it-- this fact, facing my future.

I was considering whether I should drop my biology--
since i failed it this term--

I was talking to my Language Art teacher too--
She kinda encouraged me to study harder--
It is not like I have not study hard-- but it is really something that is impromptu.
Nobody wants to fail, so do I.
I have borrowed 4books from my school library and I guess I should start reading and enjoy them.

Tomorrow is class outing-- actually is today, haha.. early morning liao--
I need to wake my roommate up for breakfast, if I could to.
I need to go early for class outing too-- preparing everything for my classmates--
the food and etc..

Now I am going to chat with my friends in msn,
after trying to log in thousands timess--

*Note: I miss my ex-best friend... or whatever he regards me as--

With scars in my heart,
Kohar--

I wanna shout -- out loud!! --

It is true that I might have gone too far, deep inside the wood of trouble--
Now is the time to turn back--
I glad that there is a teacher who supports me--
Who comment on me, even on things that I think I have done correctly.
If I think deeper in her words, I can understand what she means, and she has my respect. At least now there is someone who remember my existence.

This weekend will be the 'final judgement' for me, I guess.
It determines whether I am 'guilty' or 'not', or whether I have no more chance or there is another chance for me to take--

Failing my bio and English is another problem.
Even my term 1 bio marks could cover the mid year result, but it still a painstaking result for me to take. No matter how much efforts I have put in, weeks before-- but.. the result is still there-- bringing a soulless hope for me--
*I just hope that my 3 weeks holiday, is really holiday for me*
I will spend some of my time to catch up my English by reading and do some work on my holiday assignments, but still I still need refreshments after these six months. Months of pain, hurt, and sadness.

Sometimes there is a will for me to change myself, in terms of friendship relationship, characters, surroundings, behaviour, and many others. However, it is just not as easy as what I want. -- I do not know when it will end --

Now i still got some CCA stuff to work on--
need to be projected tomorrow-- pifff-- tiring..
Going to sleep after that--
Nitess everybody--

Regards,
Kohar