Alphabets

Alphabets..
One's life is like alphabets,
they are hand in hand to form a word,
a sentence, a paragraph,
a short story, a long story,
or even a poem or a message.
That's why our name consists of various alphabets.
And we have many friends with others alphabets.

I have felt down yesterday, and again.
Back to zero? or even to negative magnitude.
even some has tried to pull me up,
but I still fall deeply.

Do I deserve this life?
and What is a friend actually?
________________________

When I was a child,
I was smiling.
When I have grown up,
frowns has overtaken it*

Now, I was standing here,
in front of the water of smiles.
Children are playing happily,
in a circle of smiles**

Laughters are everywhere,
from adults and elderly.
Does it remind them to their past?
Do they really laugh and happy?***

Now, I was sitting here,
in front of this machine.
Alphabets are typed,
questioning my life.?****

Wondering

"The Meaning of Life"
it's my PoD essay topic.
Forget it- i am not going to talk about
school stuff.

Up and down.
Ya- that what my life is.
Happy comes after sadness.
and Sad come after happiness.
I do not know which one comes first,
or I also do not even know which one is
hapiness and sadness.

Sometimes I do not know what I feel.
But I know that my tear wants to drop.
I do not know why.
But I really do come out yesterday.

People have already have an "E"
then they also want a "V" and so on.
"E" "R" "Y" "T" "H" "I" "N" "G"
We never be grateful of what we already have.

Love cannot be seen-
but I do feel it.
I want it.
But I do not know how to get it.

Last time one is chased not by a person, not by people, but by peopleSS.
Now one is chased not by a person, not two, but in front of my eyes, there are four- or more.

After two years,
I do not know where to go.
After few years,
I do not know what will happen.
Now I do not know what I want to be.
Should I go for engineering?
Is it really what my passion is?
Maybe it's true-
I am not suitable to be an entertainer.
even though that is what I really want.
Not sure how many people will support me for that-
yah- but I do not have the seeds for it.
Should I forget it.?

Looking at percentage at my sheets of papers.
I am just simply satisfied. not that much satisfied.
maybe just grateful from what I have sow long time ago.
But not numbers what I aim for.
I prefer the comments or..
friendship that I can get-

Everytime I happy,
I forget my sadness.
and everytime I sad,
I forget my happiness.

All what I wanted- ever is:
best friend
(I do not know whether this is exist in this world)
- (or it is just a term used in this world)

kOhar

Inhale and Exhale

Inhale..

Exhale..

Inhale..

Exhale..

And become a good boy!

kOhar :3

I wish I know how to arrange

I just want to say:

-[removed]-

your policy number 945 is very amazing.
even I do not know that it is existing today.

-[removed]-
forgetting my honour award or what ever it is.
-[removed]- that.

Dont think that you all have the most authority and do whatever you want.

do you know what,
-[removed]-

What' a' Weekend'

Every nights I spend for playing UNO.
It is not about the games.
It is not about the cards.
It is about the friendships.

Everytime I hate people,
I always talk behind them.
I know it is no good.
But everytime I tell them directly,
I feel worse.

Everytime I have an 'arrowed responsibility',
I always murmur to myself.
It is good to help other people.
But it is too late when I think "What if I become that person who has other things to do?"

Everytime my time is shorten by something else,
I got pissed!
Eventhough it is for something good for other people.

Sometimes I do not need to talk,
I always talk.
Even crap!

Sometimes I have given a good friend,
I do not know how to treasure them.

Sometimes i feel that I am the unluckiest person in this world,
it is too late for me to think about other people.

why i become so bad?

why i become so bad-tempered?

why i become worse?

why i become super baddd!!

sometimes when I want to share something with my friends,
i do not even know whether they listen to me.
so, this is the reason why i create this blog.

At least, I still want to thank my friends-
who accompany me eating
who accompany me watching movie
who accompany me doing work
who accompany me slacking,
playing, or even hanging out.

* I got Wall-E glass from Cathay! hehes.
* Tomorrow I got English prelim
* I am stressed now, somehow
* I better shut up now.

kOhar :3

Sky Diary

This post is meant for yesterday- XD

HuuMmm-- 'last day' of school of the week--
bahh. because im having o level english oral on friday which is school holiday!!
so unfortunate!! pheeww-

Lang Art B teacher was resigned!-- hahas.
it is a high pressure to teach our school's students lols.
then another teacher came in to brief us about the final year exam.
not worrying about the paper one because its unseen.
but the paper two which comparative essay between two books!
I have not read the TFA and also do not understand.
Crap! Now I must go read for my final year exam. !! X(

Oh ya-
There was a LangArt Essay just for assignment.
But then since all students in our class managed to submit so..
she considered to take the best among 2 essays to be taken for term 3 marks. yeahh
i was expecting for 13/25 but it is 21/25! hahaa (: amazing. record of the year.
I did it kinda rush- lols.
talk so much about the first story but the second story kinda screwed up actually-
end up with 2 paragraphs for the second story and a short paragraph as conclusion. lolls
i did that for 2 days. at the library! yeahh.
happy XD

After school, there was this nightmare as usual--
remedial for o level! the worse thing is that attendance is not taken!! crap!
if i knew it, I would not come for it. many people pon-ing. sobb.

yeah.
then, end up to R's room using internet and fall asleep.
When I woke up-
it is just nice to take shower and prepare myself for dinner outside with my friends.
BJ!! hahas. super nice.
all my friends super full. hahahs. but the food are damn nice (paradox) hahas.
really nice though.
going home still got enriched supper Mc. hahas.
I ate again. (my stomach got something wrong I guess.)
I ate so much.. lucky never get fat!

late night then play UNO.
and i only won 1/10 games i guess. dung dung.

now today just woke up--
go to R's room.
steal his modem.
go fs-ing and blogging.
then later 413 and 415 got oral!! wkwkw. jy. all the best~

20 08 2008

Today's date is kinda special- 20 08 2008
eventhough not so significant but.. yahh- forget it (lame.)

uMm.
Many people have passed away this year in my family.
It was my mom- then my cousin.
Im so sorry to hear that. yahh- but i have learnt about this life- and there is something called mortality that we cant avoid not to happen.

Today IHS presentation was postponed and my teacher did not come-
Then Chem teacher was on MC. Therefore there was no class observation by principal.
(Haiz. everybody were in 'kuai' mode- wasted!) hahas.

I want to say thanks to J (: who taught me Bio until I understand
(I know nothing at all. and he taught me until so details)
sorry if i troubled you and.. made you miss your meal order.
and also thanks for accompanying me to CF.

Today was my first time go to CF.
It was kinda interesting for thought of the night (:
Eventhough I do not really believe in faith but.. ya, it is something to ponder on.

Thanks to A too who invited me to go CF.
and everybody who welcomed me there (: paiseh.

I think the junior batch performance is getting better.
yahh- well done.

Good nite people!
oh ya! Friday is holiday but still got English Oral O Level. haiz.

Thankful Tuesday

School is like usual--
getting closer to some friends (:

After school was very interesting-
(not the part of going library to borrow book for POD or Anthony Horowitz)
oh ya- Anthony Horowitz's book is super cool! lols. eventhough they are meant for children (: hehs.

the interesting part is when I was playing basketball with J, R, R, and L. Hahas.
Thank you very much for you all-
Then we played a half court friendly match with the Y6s. lolls.
super fun even I cant play well. at least there were no people laugh at me because I cant play like in the past. or bullying or whatever. (: thanks for today.

Tomorrow is IHS presentation- with G.
Then I am also going to submit my POD reflection about religions. (:

For my junior,
I dont know what they think about me.
but I want to say sorry if i 'hurt' you or what-so-ever.
I did not mean it. I just want you all to present the best when the event comes. okkk.
but if you realli want to hate me, it is your choice btw, i cant do anything-

Thanks for everybody who have make my Tuesday.

Dream, Thoughts, or Imagination

Huff..
Horrible Terrible--
Yesterday ii tried to sleep at 1230h
but then cant sleep--
in this dark room with thin sheets of fade lights from the roads--
I dont know why--

maybe i just slept for 5hrs only-- :/
then wake up with this 'dream', 'thoughts', or perhaps just an 'imagination':

it takes place at my parent's house-- particularly my brother room.
on the bed- nearer to the wall.
there is a scultpture-- buddhist sculpture (which was not there, it was on my living room fridge)
it is glowing very bright- sparkling very pure calm green lights. blazing.
somehow- my mom's body is on the bed next to the sculpture.
it keeps blazing. and my mom has been revived.
humm. then another sculpture in a cupboard (i cant remember the feature - but there never be a sculpture in the cupboard) keeps blazing, the same colour- calm green lights.
then, i was surprised in this 'dream', 'thoughts', or 'imagination' (my eyes still closed)
`*cant sleep well. and keep stirring on my small bed-
the sculpture somehow- 'says' or.. -i dont know what- talking about 3 days or 3 months or 3 years which i dont know what it means. it is kinda confused me.
but after that 3 or 3 or 3 thingy. i was dashing out from my brother's room.
I was so restless on my bed- ended up by woke up.
in 10 seconds, i am happy thinking that my mom is still alive. but was then, i realised that i just 'wake up' or.. open my eyes and back to this real life where my mom is physically not around in this world-
i dont know what this 'dream', 'thoughts', or 'imaginations' mean..

``just hope that wherever my mom now, she is happy-
could be up there, or could be reincarnated.. whatever it is..
i just so sorry that i never brought her to my new school in Singapore-
she wants me to study hard and-- yeah, its too late to ask her to come here and walk around my school now..
i hope when she is no more around, she could fly here, look at me studying in this school. make her proud of me.

________________________________________________

huhh. such a restless morning,
then got this school socks incident.
i sent all my pants to laundry- ended up go to school wearing short pants.
realising that there will be chapel in the morning-- which means there will be sock checks::
looking at my plain white socks-- crap! i dashed to my friends room to ask for a sock. because i lost my another sock. so i just need to borrow one piece instead of one pair.
my friends have gone down- or only have a pair left-
at least, "A" has a kind heart to lend me one piece and he himself wearing non school socks.
Thanks A!!

Malay class incidence.
"Seperti Seludang Menolak Mayang" peribahasa, i hope the guy-involved shot at his heart after listening to this peribahasa. Marks are not everything in life dude!

Nothing much happen then--
normal stuff- briefing, recess, free period, etc.

Things to do:
POD reflections on buddhism
IHS Presentation
ISO Presentation
Malay Pidato
and revising for final year exams :3

Thanks for "G" and "R" and "J" for being my closest classmate (:
not forgetting the rest too :) lupp u all hahas. (sounds so Jerry-pink!) blerkZ!

Sibilance Sunday

Humm-
Today woke up late- 11am hahas :) pigging. :3
lols.

then go on9 checking friendster and msn.
saw my 'ex' friend there.
talked with him. i guess we were trying to be 'nothing happen'

then went KFC eat the variety meal- hahas.
and studying bio there.

going back to hostel
studying bio few chapters! achievements. lollls.
started revising le- hahas.

I think my bro' hate me. huum :/
Im getting confused too-

Eating early dinner at market behind-
wanted to eat chicken rice but closed-
so ended up eating minced meat noodle and drink iced milo. huum.
super full.

doing ihs presentation and met my 'ex' friend again.
he looked so happy with his best friend.
a heart-pain. loud laughters.
its ok. i am nothing le.
i it just words to utter 'best friend' from him to me in the past.
humm- nvm forget it.

Then continued practicing my IHS presentation with G for our presentation this week :)
lools. it was super funny. chasing with seconds. huumm.
just hope for the best when the day comes.

"Am I too choosy"?

My Weekend

Uhhmm-- my weekend,,

yesterday busy and duty,,

Today,, full of filming--

(those who curious in boarding school- wait the premiere date (: lols)

Finally I eat my proper dinner

I only ate biscuits for lunch :(

btw-- my hair was painted blue-- super cool

see my picture above lolls :) love it muack muackz.

Then, play badminton with friends and assistant hall tutor-

super fun (:

then watching my friends practicing dance-

feel so bad though-- someone seemed does not allow me to go in--

can sense it,, i just feel not right-- sorry.

Actually now i confused about what CCAs to take next year-

dance? or squash? i like both-- but i think it is impossible to take both-

dance will have its SYF next year.. ummm.. and squash is healthy- sport.

hummm. because if i take both- i dont think i can manage my time well.

haiiz. sure drop jcrc and put interact club exco as consideration first :/

Hufff-- friendship now..

I also dont know what he is thinking-

he thinks that I am moving away from him-

close friend is what we called it

but other people think that it is some stupid 3letters-word.

i really dont understand.

people think that it is wrong to have a guy as your good friend--?

haiz. i think he is just kinda immature. ya. perhaps.

he just need something to reflect on.

nothing much i can help-

like a door-

depends how big you want it to open and how many air passes through it..

that picture above- is my friend Ronald (my 'literature teacher' (: lols) hahas.

i just get a random idea about this photoshop-ing his picture.

i think i shd take a step- in many aspects.

it is the time to change. anytime is the right time. anythings to be changed better.

friendship--

does not going out with my usual friends mean that i am moving away further from them?

hais. i really confused. i do not think bad about them- i realli consider some of them as my very good friends. not idealism. not perfect friends.

One is Important

I am confused-

brotherhood is not that easy-

Humm-

Tomorrow I will be occupied as an 'actor' lols. (:

oh ya- that paper in the picture is used for my ISO poster- lols.

3D poster- waiting my friends to create the 3D part-

I have faith in them that they are .... - working

hahas (:

__________________________________________

Umm-

Habit is so difficult to be changed

I wish I dare to take the first step-

many things have changed within me for this 22months since I arrived at Singapore-

yahh..

Singapore is nice (: but.. I think I need to be friends with more Singaporeans..

-- I mean, good Singaporeans..

I have 'succeed' get rid of my deepest problem- somehow- with few helps from various people.

Thanks for them and I hope I dont get into that evil path anymore.

Ya- more local friends will be very helpful, i guess.

I just do not know how to start this first step-

Hatred

I don't know why--
I hate them--
They only can joke--
Use a portion of their brains--

I am not prefect though..
I really dont know how to express this..
I have given up my hope on my 'good friend'
Currently having one good friend,
but -- i guess, we kinda different..
Not sure how it goes by then..

Do they ever think or at least appreciate my hardwork?
413'08- I want to get rid of this code -
and move on to 5xx'09
being spread--
not together--
and be brand new--

Haiz.

I feel so bad.
Yeah- so bad.

I just felt like I cant keep my mouth shut-
and many stupid words come out--

Better my mouth to be shut and talk necessarily--

Sometimes some stuff are like butterflies.
When you stay still, they will come to you.
And when you keep moving and disturbance, they are moving far far away from you.

Idol?
Role model?
Actors or whatever.
My bro said, people always envy everybody and I replied that it is like a chain.
Sometimes I felt so bad to envy people. but yeah-- i really envy them.
Why do they have such a good appearance?
Or why are they so talented etc..?
Things are never be enough..
Like a local movie that I just watched-
we wont feel poor when we havent felt poorer than poor.

For my bro,
I hope- i dunno- what do you think about me?
But I will try my best to take care of you-
Thanks.

KohaR- friends are just fiends with an 'r'

Words For People That I Know

I will write words for those that I know in reference to the first letter of their full names.
My friends, do not be too sensitive over this, because this might not refer to specific you.
If you are assaulted, do not worry, it is not you

A - loves to turn red and sometimes being kiasu and weird
B - A same type of genotypes of 100% kiasu
C - I know you are trying to be responsible- thats good! but I think you need more passion.
D - Listen more than talk more!
E - Things have changed a lot, aren't they?
F - Long time no see! You were pretty, are you now?
G - You are too biased! Dont you realise that people do not like you?
H - You are a good friend, I hope we can be good friends- (sounds impossible?)
I - a good roommate overall
J - maybe my expectations over you is too much! But now I wont expect anything from you, as simple as nothing.
K - too kepo
L - Overall you are good but... (ah-- maybe you are still too young)
M - disgusting and keep your mouth shut.
N - stop your silly dark side! I am irritated. Just shut up!
O - stop get influenced by nonsensed people and be more mature!
P - 100% kiasu
Q - (Queue?)
R - I hope that I can be your good friends, but maybe we are in two different worlds? But still thank you for everything until now. You make a difference^^
S - are you good or bad? I have no idea.
T - Thank you for being a wonderful biology teacher last year!
U - Stop being too chatty and irrational!
V - I love you for the first time, but fate does not allow?
W - Arrogant and kiasu as well- local type.
X - (I have been x-rayed once)
Y - Be more approachable and friendly and caring and ... flexible
Z - (I want to thank the zebra cross on the roads which allows me to step on them)

Cries

Water

from my eyes

can't be

poured out.

Instead,

inside,

undescribable

feeling.

Somebody..

gives me

advice

how to cry-

Existence

Heartpains.

Ya. That's the word.

Happy.
That's also true.

That what I feel

when I know,

meet,

talk to you.

Too much expectations-

undescribable-

brotherhood?

just friends-?

Two different worlds

but yet the same.

Two different times

but yet still indifferent.

All have been clarified,

or.. just a portion?

Confused

but settled-

Maybe that's true.

There is no existence

of good friend.

But you say it does

exist.

good friend-

what does it really mean?