Wanted: Friends

Blerrkzz..
My Biology initally was 33/50 which means grade 5
But then I have spotted that actually my essay deserve full mark,
and my teacher also thinks so and give me another 2 marks.
So... I got grade 6. Haha.. Similarly to my Physics test.
Tomorrow I will sit for my Chem test, dots..
I feel quite confident but dont know why I just feel that the result is not always like what I deserve.

My class will have 34 students soon, which initially is 33.
One Singaporean student will migrate to my class this Wednesday.
A bit curious how will this year be, worse or better.

And somehow i feel that my life is lack of friendship. dooootttss.
I feel like pasting "Wanted: Friends" paper everywhere!!!
Arrrgghh..

Oh ya, today the whole class did 30 push-ups because my classmates like to bully someone throughout last year until now. But, he is just too obidient and never fight back, not until when my teacher realised that today. Haha. Hope things will be better for him.

Huumm, today I will be water polo referee for my boarding school interhall competition.
My first attempt to be referee, though.

I have started read my novel. Quite interesting though.

Homework is just too many and difficult to be prioritised.

Will it be forever?

"Don't look at the past, time flies"
-- do you know how difficult it is?

"Friend is somebody who understands and cares you"
-- Is it really?

"Love will come to you when the time comes"
-- When?

"Treat people like how you want they treat you back"
-- Is it applied to me too?

........
I just regret to be born here,
It's a super tough game,
Waiting to be game over.

Hikz. =(

Life is never easy

Lastly, It has been already a long time i never post a blog since weeks ago.

So many things have happened,
there was a time
when I cried,
when I smiled,
when I laughed,
when I daydreamt,
when I stressed...

Life, I know, is never be easy.
"If life is easy, it is like a game, when it is too easy, you will end it easier."

I have learnt to accept 'Antagonist' in my life.
haha. It's because when life is without them, there won't be any climax, and ending.

I have tried to be neutral, even its difficult.

I only get 23/50 for my English Term 1 average.
I felt so sad, extremely sad, feel like killing myself.
And people only can say "Kohar, why you get so low?"
They do not realise how hurt it is.
But I know how it feels.
I think it is because I usually get quite high mark and never fail.
When this kind of problem comes, I get too shock..
Firstly, I am sad over myself.
Secondly, I am afraid of my guardians and family..

Sometimes I feel to just be quiet in class, and listen attentively.
However, result does not always the same like what I have expected.
For example, my English tests, I expect to be at least pass, but ....

Girlfriend matter--
Do I really need to find a girlfriend to brighten my life??
orr.. ?

Juniors matter--
I have this kind of opinion that my Juniors kind of neglect me or something like that to me.
I think it is because they get too excited over their new laptops.
I think that I should not disturb them.

This year is kind of a busy year for me.. Haha..
I am secretary in my class,
secretary in art and design club,
project leader for interact club, and
also JCRC member (maybe I should run for president position?)

I have felt what is hurt really feel..
It is something in your heart that you cant bear with,
keep beating,
some kind of pain, but you cant really grab it,
you feel like crying but you cant,
and you need somebody shoulder or listening ear, but they just not there..

Even until now, what do friends really mean?
I dont understand the meaning of them, do I have even one?

"So I say a little prayer, and hope my dreams will take me there."

-I am in JCRC Lounge, lonely in the midst of crowd-
blahhhh--

Physics? Horrible!!

Arrrggghhh--
My physics test!!
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

Over 50 marks, will definitely deducted 10 marks minimum..
Even I have studied the day before.. Haizz..

Actually the test is not that difficult but then the stupid tricky horrible disgusting questions come out in the tests!! bahx.. horrible..
I think just forget it lohx, focus on the next tests, still got bio and chem, and etc etc..
My 10% for my whole year.. diaooo..

Brrrmm..
I am going to meet some of my friends who are girl this week hohoxx..
change my environment, full of guys.. T.T

oh yar, valentine day..
How ar.. the girl that I like might not be able to meet me quite often, I think I should find a girlfriend.. dots..

This Saturday I will have a briefing regarding of Malay Scrabble competition. It is in pairs and I am in a group with another student from another class. Just hope we can win it =) I think he is quite pessimistic in doing works, but im not! jyjyjy..

Boarding School F.A.M.E Singing competition will be held soon!! arrgghh-- so many work to do. Busy Busy..

Blog is my best friend. haha.

Oh ya, all my juniors become crazy because of the low marks he get for his comprehension, lalalala-- first exam mahxx, its ok, a long way to go! jyjy.

im going to study first.. My English kindda poor, read more read more.. dotsss.

kOhar.

Xo many things in my mind..

Bluzzzz--
My Chinese New Year is not bad at all *since i must learn to be grateful in any of situations*
I went to KL and Genting with my kor.
First day we directly went to Genting, stay in a hotel and he went to casino.
and the second day we went to play the theme park.
We tried the 4D Show, horrible!! not even a nice picture I can see through the 4D glasses, argghh!! Maybe the title should be changed to "Super Blur Movie" or whatever, feel like wasted to try it, wait 10mins even feel so long.. Haiz.. The plot of the story not nice at all, only with stupid skeletons, dragons, and blur castle. It also enhanced by the stinky wind on my sit!! horrible..

I think Japan is the best!! Universal Studio and Disneyland!! Miss them so much..
I miss Singapore so much *Not saying that i'm not grateful to go to Msia but I feel that I dont like Malaysia as much as i LOVE Singapore and Japan! Rocks.. Haha..

The only thing that is nice for me is something like 'Spiderman' roller coaster when we travelled along the rail by laying down. We also turn 360 degrees but the rails are just too short. It ended very fast. However if it is scarier than what I tried, I may not want to try it. Haha, I am so scared sia.. *Coward maybe ----

Actually there are a lot of things to try but of course the fun rides need to queue very long.. Dots.. There are roller coasters there, but we do not try because of the queue. (actually I am the one who do not want, my bro looks like want to ride it) and something like 'High Dive' in Final Destination 3, i do not know what does it call, they are seats that going up then down very fast and up and down and so on.. Haha.. I am too scared to try that (but of course the reason is that it has long queue) =X

Then we went to KLCC for shopping. We bought clothings, and tees for my Juniors, and also stuff for my 'girl' -- if possible later. Haha, I am going to give it to her on Saturday. I just hope that she will like it. I havent said that I like her (I am too shy to say that).. Humm--

Actually I am in a big dilemma of my life changes.. It is obviously can be seen which one is right and which one is wrong but I really still dont know how to change it drastically. However I think so far I have done a quite good job and I just need to continue it towards better life!!

Errmm.. I also think that I should not be pessimistic anymore about my socialisation. I just need to be more confidence because I can feel that people appreciate me and I should trust them too =)

Oh ya, today I feel so great by getting A for my humanities subject over the topic 'Ethnic Management' haha.. However, I think that the 1st shift of my class minimum get B for it, which are not bad at all! Then I had my Chemistry quiz which I confuse with all the concepts!! I think I need to revise all my chemistry again (actually I need people to help me, anybody?)

I sometimes confuse whether I talk too much and act so childish or what.. Or I need to
Humm-- so many things to talk.. haha.. but i think nvm, I feel much better after writing this blog..

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh--- Will she be my girl??

Chinese New Year Eve

Piff.. Today is my first day of holiday
Wake up late
Then eat instant noodles to survive my life until dinner time.

I was invited to my bro family dinner, so i need to wait at his house while he was going to his parents house. I was doing all my homework until now while all his family members outside playing cards, mahjong, and watching TV. Now my homework left are IHS and ISO. I need to confirm location for my group projects. dots!!

I have just eaten dinner with his whole big family.
It was scary, super scary I mean since I look like stranger in his family.
Not all of them are scary though, I mean because there are teenagers also, so I feel so scared (like usual). However, his uncles and aunts are friendly.

Now I am alone in his cousin room using his computer while everybody outside playing games. Actually I also want to join them but I just dont have courage to mix with them. Moreover, they are talking Chinese and Hokkien which I dont understand. People say that my Chinese is not that bad but I think it wont pass Primary level in Singapore. I really want to improve my Chinese but I dont know how. Last year when I came to Singapore, I really eager to take Chinese Language as my subject but my teachers do not allow me because I came from Indonesia, so I must take Malay as my subject. So sian..

The day after tomorrow I am going to Malaysia (Genting) for holiday with my brother, I really hope that it will be enjoyable to relax myself in this midst of homework week and examinations.

I miss my Juniors in boarding school. humm, only to them I can talk, share, and joke a lot.
I need friends. Sometimes I want to have Singaporean friends who are about the same age with me but it is rather difficult for me because my language is very poor and I have no confidence.

.......... 'bored' still 10pm.

CNY Sch Celebration Concert

This afternoon my school celebrated Chinese New Year, like usual in form of concert.
However, compared to last year, still, last year concert is much better even though there were not much different between them. They perform a Chinese drum concert and short Chinese drama by Chinese Performing Art Club. Continued by the senior choir who sing Chinese song that is not populer followed by the junior choir who sing 恭喜恭喜 using karaoke background. The worse part is that they look like just clapping and acting. lolx. There is also performance by Wushu CCA, and one of my hallmates is performing on the stage, swinging the flag, haha *good try!* lolx. There was power ranger song!! omg, unbelieveable! Then the last part is the performance of a year six girl playing Chinese traditional musical instrument. -boring actually-
The surprising part is the MCs, bilingual! and.. lucky there was spotlight to see the hidden one! haha -i hope you know what i mean-

Before that, in class, we were discussing who will join the debate interclass competition. As a result, My class teacher pointed a local student as a leader, another local student, and two other foreigner students as members. Actually, there was another foreign student who is supposed to be in the group but then because of the 'entu' of one other foreign student in the group, he is off, which actually he thinks that he could be the one who is excused to off during the debate interclass competition.

Another issue due to the language art b atmosphere in class, my class teacher also settles this issue back to us in order us to reflect on ourselves and I think the calmness of our class teacher has brought the nice atmosphere to the language art lesson.

After school, I went to Orchard with two of my juniors. We were talking over so many topics haha. Sometimes I think that I am jealous over some people and I dont know how to overcome my own selfishness. I just hope that I am useful in this world even if I am not a sportman or holding any super-important position in school or boarding school or any authorities.
The most important part when I went to Orchard is that we were eating Indon local food!! hehe. Very nice, and I think they are getting addicted to it. I ate Ayam Bakar and they ate Nasi Rawon and Nasi Soto Ayam!! Haha. Such a great meal, but now im hungry again.. dots..

Now I am going to pack my clothings and other necessities for my trip to Malaysia end of this week and tomorrow I am having an invitation to have a CNY eve dinner with my brother somewhere, humm..

I think now I should go to do some of my work from my lovely teacher''''''' dots.. Maths and etc..
Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately), my 10% assessment for my humanities subject this whole year and Chemistry quiz are postponed until the week after Chinese New Year holiday.
I gotta go now to print some admin stuff and homework.

Hope that tomorrow I am having a good day!!

Life in differences

How difficult it is to accept differences.
So many people with different characters and appearances.
Even I cant accept myself, moreover i have difficulty to accept other people.
I dont know how to start this all over, maybe i should start from the beginning.

I should not think bad or do bad things to other people i guess, must be neutral in all perspectives.
... how should i start this again?

Talking about school, today my humanities assessment that weighs 10% for this whole year is postponed because my teacher was not around, hehe. So, i can learn the difficult english from my bro first.

Im going to have CNY dinner with my bro but then I feel so weird i guess after so many problems and mistakes that I have made. I really want to say sorry and change my behaviour. Actually I have tried before but I just cant do it instantly. I hope this CNY eve dinner can change myself. Some more, I have a trip with my brother, it must be a relaxing holiday which will be continued with my class test (I need to revise super a lot!)

Talking about my class, eventually I have someone that I dont like, just feel like crushing him, but i think the best way to deal with him is just not to communicate so that I dont have any stupid thinking over him that might make me to express my anger to him. Since i also want to change myself. However, his behaviour is not the best too, so i think that he should reflects on himself also.

Today PE was quite tiring, less than last week. We ran around our school which estimated distance is 2km for 10minutes, hehe. Then super tired!! hoho!!
"Best of the best. The best is yet to be" lol!! funny teacher with the microphone, haha.

I have work to do also for tomorrow, advanced mathematics differentiation dy over dx, haha new subjects for me. lolx!! study hard!!

"Be neutral"

Love my Juniors

Today I woke up quite late because yesterday I stayed up quite late to chat with my junior.
We chat about ghost story in our boarding school and school. Hehe.

This morning I went with one of my Junior to National Library to do our homework.
He is one of the boarding school superstar finalist. Cool right. Haha.

Actually we just do our homework until late afternoon and ate waffles!! haha. yummy.
Then we went back, eat again! (fat!) and sleep, and dinner! (super fatz now) haha.
--I think i need to have some exercises!!-- anybody want to help me to work it out. haha.

Err.. I think my life is just like this and its better with all my Juniors. Lolx. love them.

Now i am having my study time (like usual..) hoho..
After this will get my supper and sleep lolx!!
I think im getting super fat now.

Btw, tomorrow i will be having my class test which weighs 10% for this whole year.. omg omg omg.. socratic discussion.. help! my English so poor, I need free tuition!! lolx.

Is blogging my only friend?

Huff, this life a bit confusing for me, so many ways to go.
I think what all I need is just real caring friends, they who can hang out, study, play, shop, etc together with me.

Around 2 weeks ago I just back from my school Malaysia trip, it could be considered that it was my 1st time to go out together with my classmates after 1year stay in the same class.

I think that my classmates have been improved in terms of relationship with each other since my class consists mostly scholars, so there are gaps between Singaporeans and foreign students.

Once in a while I have tried to find some friends outside my boundaries via internet. However, I dont think it is a good way to find a real friend because not what i think in this fake world is the same like what i imagine in the real world.

Today I was so tired with my school life, even it is friday. School is like usual with a lot of works and tests. Yesterday some more, there was a Language Art B assignment which is assessed for 5% in this whole year. Today is Language art A class test which is also assessed for 5% this whole year. As my English is not that good, I feel that I wont score that high but I think I want some miracle to happen.

Actually my juniors who stay in my hall is not that bad to be good friends but I dont know why we cannot get a suit relationship. It's really stressful for me to life without friends.

Moreover, I have a friend in school that I dont like the most. I just dont like him at the moment I see his face, feel like punch him at his face.

Sometimes I feel very weak for myself. Why all of these happen to me... arghh!

Next week I will be going to Malaysia during my CNY and I hope it will be enjoyable.

I really do not know what to do already, I just that horrible. My exam also ongoing after CNY holiday. Haizz..

This afternoon I was talking with my juniors about siblings and they wanted to have elder bro but I wanted to have a lil brother. Haha.. Sometimes world is not satisfied us well.

I hope tomorrow is something better happen..
I lack of sleep! HELP me!

Should I start to find a girlfriend..?