I think today is the end of everything.
I wont repeat my stupidest mistake again and again in the future.
All of these are enough.
I just need some encouragement and determination.
These encouragements seem that come out from other people.
However, nobody is able to be trusted-- nobody.
I really appreciate those who come to my room this super early morning =)
That was super helpful!
Thanks a lot!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Apologize
I just want to say my apologize to everybody that have been hurt by me.
or if I have given all of you problems.
Sorry..
I think I realise that actually this is my own burden to be lonely and maybe..
take the wrong path of life or else I wont get any friends,--
friends that i really need, good ones, understanding, and caring ones.
If you know how lonely feels,--
I feel more than what you have felt.
or if I have given all of you problems.
Sorry..
I think I realise that actually this is my own burden to be lonely and maybe..
take the wrong path of life or else I wont get any friends,--
friends that i really need, good ones, understanding, and caring ones.
If you know how lonely feels,--
I feel more than what you have felt.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
No points..
There are just no points..
I will just really ignore him..
Haha--
I hope if I can live alone--, really alone I mean.
I really meant it.
Like some characters in the movie,
having their own business in their life,
a lot of obstacles but handle them ourselves--
and having a really good friends, or flatmate.
that will be super cool.
I have no idea about what I am going to be in next few years.
That will comprise everything I guess.
I hate him!
******-- off with your term of other friends
Get LOST!
I will just really ignore him..
Haha--
I hope if I can live alone--, really alone I mean.
I really meant it.
Like some characters in the movie,
having their own business in their life,
a lot of obstacles but handle them ourselves--
and having a really good friends, or flatmate.
that will be super cool.
I have no idea about what I am going to be in next few years.
That will comprise everything I guess.
I hate him!
******-- off with your term of other friends
Get LOST!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Clear.
The answer is:
He is not my best friend.
I am just an other friend.
I remember his fave song:
He is not my best friend.
I am just an other friend.
I remember his fave song:
Nobody Knows It But Me
-Babyface-
Wish I told her how I feel,
Maybe she'd be here right now
but instead...
I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly but you're nowhere around
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
I carry smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm trembling inside
And nobody knows it but me (yeah)
Lie awake, it's a quarter past three
I'm screaming at night if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah, my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me (well, well)
How blue can I get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
Billion words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
oooo oohhhhh yeah
Tomorrow morning, I'm a hit a dusty road
Gonna find you, where ever, ever you might go
And I'm gonna load my heart and hope you come back to me
(Say whent the nights are lonely)
(3x with adlib until fade)
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
*even i memorise this song*
*this songs reflect everything at the end of the day*
*not love but friendship*
Maybe she'd be here right now
but instead...
I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly but you're nowhere around
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
I carry smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm trembling inside
And nobody knows it but me (yeah)
Lie awake, it's a quarter past three
I'm screaming at night if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah, my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me (well, well)
How blue can I get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
Billion words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
oooo oohhhhh yeah
Tomorrow morning, I'm a hit a dusty road
Gonna find you, where ever, ever you might go
And I'm gonna load my heart and hope you come back to me
(Say whent the nights are lonely)
(3x with adlib until fade)
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
*even i memorise this song*
*this songs reflect everything at the end of the day*
*not love but friendship*
Expectations and Clarification
It's a lie if I say I am not sad.
But I have already expect this too happen.
I have too high expectations on a person that I consider as good friend which he does not consider me as it.
As it is too high, it creates scars which are too deep in my heart.
However, its ok.. We are just 'friends' now.
Best friend is just one.
The rest are 'other friends'
Even if you say it is the other way round that,
I am not the 'other friends' but I am the 'close friend'
That is such a lie.
It's lucky that even now I want to cry, I could not cry.
And as you have found one,
you better treasure him-- whoever he is -- ok?
Bye--
'friend' does not exist for me-- and our schedules are so different.
BYE
But I have already expect this too happen.
I have too high expectations on a person that I consider as good friend which he does not consider me as it.
As it is too high, it creates scars which are too deep in my heart.
However, its ok.. We are just 'friends' now.
Best friend is just one.
The rest are 'other friends'
Even if you say it is the other way round that,
I am not the 'other friends' but I am the 'close friend'
That is such a lie.
It's lucky that even now I want to cry, I could not cry.
And as you have found one,
you better treasure him-- whoever he is -- ok?
Bye--
'friend' does not exist for me-- and our schedules are so different.
BYE
My gratitude to ...
My friend said that my blog is too gloomy.
So now I want to say my gratitudes to people that I can remember..
Might be long and random, but I mean them a lot!! (not in order)
1. My drivers
who always sent me to school very early morning when I was schooling at my hometown
2. My maid
who nurtures me in my hometown and make me independent
3. My sister
who takes me to her house and family to teach me things in life
4. My mom
who has left--
and born me, supports me, and teaches me something that very precious without saying anything.. leaving her marks.
5. My dad
who might feel lost, is kind to me, and fulfil things that I want.
6. My second brother
who is giving a 'manly' behaviour in life for me to consider
7. My first brother
who is tough and could be some examples in some areas
8. My --dead sister
who I hope to be here in this world, I hope can see u here..
9. Gleen
who has been a good friend-- somehow-- even I 'not good' to you sometimes
10. Junsiong
who I treated as best friend even u dun treat me as so and taught me a lot of stuff in this life,
I hope u are happy and in good terms with your bestest friend there..
11. Ronald Gan
who accompanied me to shop and watch movie, appriciate them a lot!
12. Katie
who said that I changed her life,,--somehow-- perhaps..
13. classmates in Cornelius413
who regard me as their classmate
14. Uncle in the kitchen
who provides me food =)
15. Matthew
who accompanied me sometimes
16. JiaYuan
who I hope can be good friend with
17. Anderson
who wanted to listen to me
18. My brother in law
who loves me-- even it is not shown directly
19. the sky and grandstand
who allows me to stare and sit on to cry
20. actors and actress in the movies
who give me some lessons or moral to think about and become as examples
21. Samuel, Kalvin, and Yoka
who give me chance to play badminton in interhall competition
22. Ms. Alice Pang
who gives me support and courages
23. Ms. Goon
who appreciates my school works.
24. Ms. Chia
who encourage me a lot in everything I have done and do
25. All those 'stupid people'
who gives me big problems so that I can learn something real in this life and do not take things for granted
26. Victor
who allows me to be with his bestest friend for a while. Thanks
27. Indon schoolmates
who gives me all feelings -- laughters and sadness -- in past years
28. Joshua
who wanted to meet me
29. Doctors and nurses
who at least do their best to survive my mom
30. Ian
who accept me as roommate
Sometimes I just want to laugh--
when I want to cry inside
Sometimes I want to have someone who cares me a lot by my side--
when I look strong outside
Sometimes I want to be appreciated--
when I have done my best
Sometimes I want to have normal life--
when the others look so happy of it
Sometimes I feel so lonely--
when thousands people are surround me
Sometimes I feel so weak--
when people think I am so strong and tough
Sometimes I want to shout all my problems--
when I have no courage to shout
Sometimes I just want to end my life--
when everything is just so nothing for me..
Sometimes people think I am so good--
when actually I am a bad person
Sometimes people think I am super smart like robot--
when actually I feel the burden of it and actually I am not that smart.
I just want to cry..
on a shoulder where I really can rely on..
So now I want to say my gratitudes to people that I can remember..
Might be long and random, but I mean them a lot!! (not in order)
1. My drivers
who always sent me to school very early morning when I was schooling at my hometown
2. My maid
who nurtures me in my hometown and make me independent
3. My sister
who takes me to her house and family to teach me things in life
4. My mom
who has left--
and born me, supports me, and teaches me something that very precious without saying anything.. leaving her marks.
5. My dad
who might feel lost, is kind to me, and fulfil things that I want.
6. My second brother
who is giving a 'manly' behaviour in life for me to consider
7. My first brother
who is tough and could be some examples in some areas
8. My --dead sister
who I hope to be here in this world, I hope can see u here..
9. Gleen
who has been a good friend-- somehow-- even I 'not good' to you sometimes
10. Junsiong
who I treated as best friend even u dun treat me as so and taught me a lot of stuff in this life,
I hope u are happy and in good terms with your bestest friend there..
11. Ronald Gan
who accompanied me to shop and watch movie, appriciate them a lot!
12. Katie
who said that I changed her life,,--somehow-- perhaps..
13. classmates in Cornelius413
who regard me as their classmate
14. Uncle in the kitchen
who provides me food =)
15. Matthew
who accompanied me sometimes
16. JiaYuan
who I hope can be good friend with
17. Anderson
who wanted to listen to me
18. My brother in law
who loves me-- even it is not shown directly
19. the sky and grandstand
who allows me to stare and sit on to cry
20. actors and actress in the movies
who give me some lessons or moral to think about and become as examples
21. Samuel, Kalvin, and Yoka
who give me chance to play badminton in interhall competition
22. Ms. Alice Pang
who gives me support and courages
23. Ms. Goon
who appreciates my school works.
24. Ms. Chia
who encourage me a lot in everything I have done and do
25. All those 'stupid people'
who gives me big problems so that I can learn something real in this life and do not take things for granted
26. Victor
who allows me to be with his bestest friend for a while. Thanks
27. Indon schoolmates
who gives me all feelings -- laughters and sadness -- in past years
28. Joshua
who wanted to meet me
29. Doctors and nurses
who at least do their best to survive my mom
30. Ian
who accept me as roommate
Sometimes I just want to laugh--
when I want to cry inside
Sometimes I want to have someone who cares me a lot by my side--
when I look strong outside
Sometimes I want to be appreciated--
when I have done my best
Sometimes I want to have normal life--
when the others look so happy of it
Sometimes I feel so lonely--
when thousands people are surround me
Sometimes I feel so weak--
when people think I am so strong and tough
Sometimes I want to shout all my problems--
when I have no courage to shout
Sometimes I just want to end my life--
when everything is just so nothing for me..
Sometimes people think I am so good--
when actually I am a bad person
Sometimes people think I am super smart like robot--
when actually I feel the burden of it and actually I am not that smart.
I just want to cry..
on a shoulder where I really can rely on..
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Shopping Day~
Today I woke up late -- around 0830hrs
haha-- so I didnt wake my roommate up.. lolx..
sorry, my roommate.. miss breakfast..
Hope eu enjoy your holiday.. (+ con camp)__
Sure I will go to con camp too if I were you, because I failed two subjs. Haiz..
Then, since I have nothing to do, I planned to shop around..
I went to Orchard Rd with Ronz. Haha.
Watched Made of Honor, which is damn stupid haha.
Nice movie btw.
In between the story I met Joshua.
Haha, no comment, we only met up for few seconds.
After the movie, I just walked around with Ronz.
Haha. Kinda cool-- shopping, talk rubbish-- and some useful topics, correct right Ronz.? Haha.
Shopzz super a lot-- until very tired..
Then back to boarding-- 'isolated place' haha.
Nitez,
Kohar
haha-- so I didnt wake my roommate up.. lolx..
sorry, my roommate.. miss breakfast..
Hope eu enjoy your holiday.. (+ con camp)__
Sure I will go to con camp too if I were you, because I failed two subjs. Haiz..
Then, since I have nothing to do, I planned to shop around..
I went to Orchard Rd with Ronz. Haha.
Watched Made of Honor, which is damn stupid haha.
Nice movie btw.
In between the story I met Joshua.
Haha, no comment, we only met up for few seconds.
After the movie, I just walked around with Ronz.
Haha. Kinda cool-- shopping, talk rubbish-- and some useful topics, correct right Ronz.? Haha.
Shopzz super a lot-- until very tired..
Then back to boarding-- 'isolated place' haha.
Nitez,
Kohar
Friday, May 23, 2008
Holiday has started?
Huhh--
Has holiday started yet?
Oh my god-- I damn bored--
No friends around, -- I mean real friends -- best friends --
Super bored!
I need good friends..
Sob T_T
Has holiday started yet?
Oh my god-- I damn bored--
No friends around, -- I mean real friends -- best friends --
Super bored!
I need good friends..
Sob T_T
Thursday, May 22, 2008
June is coming
Huhh--
fortunately, so many things have done last week..
Interact Club regrouping, 121people altogether--
it is kinda tiring, however it is responsibility and I enjoy it..
People might not know how does it really feel if they have not try to do it. =)
High table dinner '08 has been over too.
JCRC installation, the pledge, the serving manners, and many others..
So happy all have been done--
However, I realise that there will be still a lot of responsibility to be taken in the future--
including all the obstacles..
About the test--
71.1% for me is not a bad line, i guess, eventhough I know that I can do much better.
I just hope that my 34points do not trigger a 3-weeks-lecture from my sister.
I just want a happy life-- normal life-- the same holiday as what my peers have..
I have decided about the other test,
I am not going to take it.. It is all about myself overall,
Eventhough it is about matter of life or death--
I believe that if I should die, then let it be-- it was all my fault since the beginning, it's true--
Of course, I hope that I do not get the worst case--
I only can hope
Friendship kinda difficult here--
Not as simple as spelling it into f.r.i.e.n.d.s.h.i.p
also not as simple as what I have seen in Television,
--asking people to be my friend, or ask them just simply to go out together--
Family too, I hope I have a good time during this holiday,
eventhough I have realised that my mom is not there anymore,
but I will only can feel it when I am at home later--
I just afraid to face it-- this fact, facing my future.
I was considering whether I should drop my biology--
since i failed it this term--
I was talking to my Language Art teacher too--
She kinda encouraged me to study harder--
It is not like I have not study hard-- but it is really something that is impromptu.
Nobody wants to fail, so do I.
I have borrowed 4books from my school library and I guess I should start reading and enjoy them.
Tomorrow is class outing-- actually is today, haha.. early morning liao--
I need to wake my roommate up for breakfast, if I could to.
I need to go early for class outing too-- preparing everything for my classmates--
the food and etc..
Now I am going to chat with my friends in msn,
after trying to log in thousands timess--
*Note: I miss my ex-best friend... or whatever he regards me as--
With scars in my heart,
Kohar--
fortunately, so many things have done last week..
Interact Club regrouping, 121people altogether--
it is kinda tiring, however it is responsibility and I enjoy it..
People might not know how does it really feel if they have not try to do it. =)
High table dinner '08 has been over too.
JCRC installation, the pledge, the serving manners, and many others..
So happy all have been done--
However, I realise that there will be still a lot of responsibility to be taken in the future--
including all the obstacles..
About the test--
71.1% for me is not a bad line, i guess, eventhough I know that I can do much better.
I just hope that my 34points do not trigger a 3-weeks-lecture from my sister.
I just want a happy life-- normal life-- the same holiday as what my peers have..
I have decided about the other test,
I am not going to take it.. It is all about myself overall,
Eventhough it is about matter of life or death--
I believe that if I should die, then let it be-- it was all my fault since the beginning, it's true--
Of course, I hope that I do not get the worst case--
I only can hope
Friendship kinda difficult here--
Not as simple as spelling it into f.r.i.e.n.d.s.h.i.p
also not as simple as what I have seen in Television,
--asking people to be my friend, or ask them just simply to go out together--
Family too, I hope I have a good time during this holiday,
eventhough I have realised that my mom is not there anymore,
but I will only can feel it when I am at home later--
I just afraid to face it-- this fact, facing my future.
I was considering whether I should drop my biology--
since i failed it this term--
I was talking to my Language Art teacher too--
She kinda encouraged me to study harder--
It is not like I have not study hard-- but it is really something that is impromptu.
Nobody wants to fail, so do I.
I have borrowed 4books from my school library and I guess I should start reading and enjoy them.
Tomorrow is class outing-- actually is today, haha.. early morning liao--
I need to wake my roommate up for breakfast, if I could to.
I need to go early for class outing too-- preparing everything for my classmates--
the food and etc..
Now I am going to chat with my friends in msn,
after trying to log in thousands timess--
*Note: I miss my ex-best friend... or whatever he regards me as--
With scars in my heart,
Kohar--
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I wanna shout -- out loud!! --
It is true that I might have gone too far, deep inside the wood of trouble--
Now is the time to turn back--
I glad that there is a teacher who supports me--
Who comment on me, even on things that I think I have done correctly.
If I think deeper in her words, I can understand what she means, and she has my respect. At least now there is someone who remember my existence.
This weekend will be the 'final judgement' for me, I guess.
It determines whether I am 'guilty' or 'not', or whether I have no more chance or there is another chance for me to take--
Failing my bio and English is another problem.
Even my term 1 bio marks could cover the mid year result, but it still a painstaking result for me to take. No matter how much efforts I have put in, weeks before-- but.. the result is still there-- bringing a soulless hope for me--
*I just hope that my 3 weeks holiday, is really holiday for me*
I will spend some of my time to catch up my English by reading and do some work on my holiday assignments, but still I still need refreshments after these six months. Months of pain, hurt, and sadness.
Sometimes there is a will for me to change myself, in terms of friendship relationship, characters, surroundings, behaviour, and many others. However, it is just not as easy as what I want. -- I do not know when it will end --
Now i still got some CCA stuff to work on--
need to be projected tomorrow-- pifff-- tiring..
Going to sleep after that--
Nitess everybody--
Regards,
Kohar
Now is the time to turn back--
I glad that there is a teacher who supports me--
Who comment on me, even on things that I think I have done correctly.
If I think deeper in her words, I can understand what she means, and she has my respect. At least now there is someone who remember my existence.
This weekend will be the 'final judgement' for me, I guess.
It determines whether I am 'guilty' or 'not', or whether I have no more chance or there is another chance for me to take--
Failing my bio and English is another problem.
Even my term 1 bio marks could cover the mid year result, but it still a painstaking result for me to take. No matter how much efforts I have put in, weeks before-- but.. the result is still there-- bringing a soulless hope for me--
*I just hope that my 3 weeks holiday, is really holiday for me*
I will spend some of my time to catch up my English by reading and do some work on my holiday assignments, but still I still need refreshments after these six months. Months of pain, hurt, and sadness.
Sometimes there is a will for me to change myself, in terms of friendship relationship, characters, surroundings, behaviour, and many others. However, it is just not as easy as what I want. -- I do not know when it will end --
Now i still got some CCA stuff to work on--
need to be projected tomorrow-- pifff-- tiring..
Going to sleep after that--
Nitess everybody--
Regards,
Kohar
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Revealed
Everytime I always go to the grandstand, above dining hall--
looking at the sky-- mobile clouds, stationary stars, and four red lights on a mini skyscraper.
Wishing that a person-that I regard him as my best friend- to be beside me.
However, that is impossible for this world to satisfy me that much.
I dont know why but I just have this feeling that world just want me to suffer.
They never provide me a good friend that I can share everything-
somebody that really treat me as good friend, not a one way relationship,
not just someone who I meet everyday, giving them my fake laugh, giving away my sadness smile, and also my space in my rotten heart.
I just jealous-- with my peers-- those who are around 17.
It is either me or you that should be grateful with this life.
Last time I was imagining if I lost my parent, I just dont know what happen then with my future. Until the time was really crawl into my life-- I shock, nothing can be done.
It is just like a snap in front of your eyes with your watch keep ticking away, second by second. I just jealous that my peers can have an enjoyable time with their family without concerning with their school reports, no lecture, no talk, but just enjoying time and relax.
I wish if I know that I also do not want to fail, I even study so hard to achieve the best I could get. I wish.. if my sister could just have known what I think.
I dont know how to end all of these!!!!!!!
I got so many things to write--
but I go chatting now--
dont feel like sleeping-- life so dull.
looking at the sky-- mobile clouds, stationary stars, and four red lights on a mini skyscraper.
Wishing that a person-that I regard him as my best friend- to be beside me.
However, that is impossible for this world to satisfy me that much.
I dont know why but I just have this feeling that world just want me to suffer.
They never provide me a good friend that I can share everything-
somebody that really treat me as good friend, not a one way relationship,
not just someone who I meet everyday, giving them my fake laugh, giving away my sadness smile, and also my space in my rotten heart.
I just jealous-- with my peers-- those who are around 17.
It is either me or you that should be grateful with this life.
Last time I was imagining if I lost my parent, I just dont know what happen then with my future. Until the time was really crawl into my life-- I shock, nothing can be done.
It is just like a snap in front of your eyes with your watch keep ticking away, second by second. I just jealous that my peers can have an enjoyable time with their family without concerning with their school reports, no lecture, no talk, but just enjoying time and relax.
I wish if I know that I also do not want to fail, I even study so hard to achieve the best I could get. I wish.. if my sister could just have known what I think.
I dont know how to end all of these!!!!!!!
I got so many things to write--
but I go chatting now--
dont feel like sleeping-- life so dull.
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