Time flies--
I feel that I waste my time so much..
So much thing I have realised over myself when my mom passed away.
Regret always comes late and now nothing can be done.
The three-words "I Love You" only once came out from my mouth to her.
The warm-hug we have only for two times for her whole life?
Now I am sure she is happy to see our family from somewhere up there.
Like what my sister sms me--
Mom has left us in peace, with all the wonderful memories given to us
her care, her advice, her calm-words, her everything.
Time is still ticking,
we shall not sink in the sadness forever,
stand with our own legs.
Yesterday all have been paid,
Six boarding schools meet up in my school for the greatest event of 2008
Everybody were so excited.
All guest of honours are impressed.
And of course, all the crews are satisfied the most--
I am glad to get to know more people, especially the contestants.
I really hope that we all can be good friends, or even best friends.
Even those are not easy--
It is difficult for me to convey my feeling to other people.
I am just too afraid,
too scared,
too discouraged of myself.
I know that they wont read my blog.
But at least I could release my thoughts.
To be honest, I like someone--
someone from another country--
I just really like-or-love her.
I do not know what to do--
just too shy--
How to say--
Issit true, or issit just because of the time-being,
and of course a lot of people like her.
I am going to meet her-- again,
maybe for 5seconds? pass something to her only--
I do not know how to make a further step to know her more.
I need friends, not simply friends, but good-or-best friends,
I might have a high standart of good of best friends,
I might have some people that I want to hang out with,
I might have some poeple that I want to be their best friends,
but things are just too difficult for me to express it,
I might just need to keep it inside-
there is no need to unleash it -- perhaps.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Why do you leave me forever?
Time is still ticking and my mind goes everywhere.
Now I am in the airport, rushing back home.
The last breath she blew..
she is no more..
why?
why must be her?
I do not know what to do,
I just cant accept it.
The last hug we had,
the last 'I love u' I had said to her, and that was the only once,
now it is too late for me to express my love to her.
I just do not understand why she surrenders her life.
Leaving our family in this world.
I still remembered the last time she let me go at the airport,
she was not crying that time!
which last time she always cries.
At last phone, she was not crying when talk to me!
which last time she always cries.
Now I cannot hear her words,
they become words only, striking in my mind.
How should I get along with this life without her.
Where I still got a long way to go and it is not witnessed by her.
The last time I called her,
I said that she must be strong, and wait me to go back there,
but she is unconcious, I am sure that she could hear me.
But she left me even before I arrived there.
I really do not know what to do--
My 2nd last call with her, she asked how were my exams and I said its ok.
She is very proud of me!
She will go to her friends and tell them that I have a scholarship in a good school in Singapore.
I do now want to fail her and my family.
She--
is no more.
but always in my heart.
Now I know how it feels when you are left by your beloved one..
...--i love u xo much, mom.
Now I am in the airport, rushing back home.
The last breath she blew..
she is no more..
why?
why must be her?
I do not know what to do,
I just cant accept it.
The last hug we had,
the last 'I love u' I had said to her, and that was the only once,
now it is too late for me to express my love to her.
I just do not understand why she surrenders her life.
Leaving our family in this world.
I still remembered the last time she let me go at the airport,
she was not crying that time!
which last time she always cries.
At last phone, she was not crying when talk to me!
which last time she always cries.
Now I cannot hear her words,
they become words only, striking in my mind.
How should I get along with this life without her.
Where I still got a long way to go and it is not witnessed by her.
The last time I called her,
I said that she must be strong, and wait me to go back there,
but she is unconcious, I am sure that she could hear me.
But she left me even before I arrived there.
I really do not know what to do--
My 2nd last call with her, she asked how were my exams and I said its ok.
She is very proud of me!
She will go to her friends and tell them that I have a scholarship in a good school in Singapore.
I do now want to fail her and my family.
She--
is no more.
but always in my heart.
Now I know how it feels when you are left by your beloved one..
...--i love u xo much, mom.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Turning Point
Clock will not stop and keep ticking.
Yesterday I watched movie "The Leap Years", a Singapore production.
It's very touching. So many couples watched the movie and some of the girls were crying.
I learnt something in the story that:
"It's better to be loved and lost rather than not to be loved at all."
This week was a very busy week and without my notice that my sister tried to contact me many times. However, I did not take a look to my handphone at all, all events are going on day to day, morning to night. My mom was in the hospital since last Monday till now. I hope my mother becomes well.
Actually I tried to sleep just now but I could not. I was too excited till now about so-called new friends. Today I had Games-cum-International Understanding day. We were playing games and somehow related to International culture. We did perform folktales and did some tasks. Along the day, starting from the sun rises until the sun sets, I know people in my group better. I just too excited to know more friends. Haha. It is because I feel that I do not have any friends lately.
I hope that we can be good-friends. I am checking whether they have any account in friendster or facebook, but they do not have =( nevermind, I can see them in school and CCA.
Today was so fun!!!
Tomorrow I have a service-learning project going on in early morning,
so I think I can go sleep tightly now =)
I hope my 3-new-friends have an enjoyable 1-week holidays. (even they might not read this)
Friends 4evAh.
Yesterday I watched movie "The Leap Years", a Singapore production.
It's very touching. So many couples watched the movie and some of the girls were crying.
I learnt something in the story that:
"It's better to be loved and lost rather than not to be loved at all."
This week was a very busy week and without my notice that my sister tried to contact me many times. However, I did not take a look to my handphone at all, all events are going on day to day, morning to night. My mom was in the hospital since last Monday till now. I hope my mother becomes well.
Actually I tried to sleep just now but I could not. I was too excited till now about so-called new friends. Today I had Games-cum-International Understanding day. We were playing games and somehow related to International culture. We did perform folktales and did some tasks. Along the day, starting from the sun rises until the sun sets, I know people in my group better. I just too excited to know more friends. Haha. It is because I feel that I do not have any friends lately.
I hope that we can be good-friends. I am checking whether they have any account in friendster or facebook, but they do not have =( nevermind, I can see them in school and CCA.
Today was so fun!!!
Tomorrow I have a service-learning project going on in early morning,
so I think I can go sleep tightly now =)
I hope my 3-new-friends have an enjoyable 1-week holidays. (even they might not read this)
Friends 4evAh.
Monday, March 3, 2008
How should I continue my life further?
World does not seem right to me.
Or issit, I am the one who do not seem right to me?
So many problems in my life and
I do not know how to continue my life anymore.
I know I need to pour my thoughts and problems to somebody that I trust the most,
but who?
I think write blog is the best way, talking to myself.
Even if there is nobody read my blog, but I feel quite satisfied.
My class is so competitive, or am I the one who becomes less competitive?
I know Singapore is such a competitive place to live on.
But, now my life seems wrong with it.
Or maybe I just never failed before and when once, now, I fail, I down.
Actually, I should not care about number in my report book or such a thing because I own my life. But, I dont know why I should be scared when I ask my hallmistress or my sister to sign on it.
And nobody seems understand me.
I am starting to find a girlfriend, even not to be my girlfriend, at least I start to hang around with girl, change my environment where everywhere guys surround me, in my living quarter, school.
Sometimes I feel a bit proud over myself that at least I can still handle my grades above average as well participating actively in my CCAs.
Just now something struck in my mind,
and it might be true for me personally,
when I saw my Maths paper get full marks, I do not care about the number 50/50 but I like to read the remarks given on my paper.
I think XiaoHaiBuBen have said:
"When the last time you compliment people?"
"When the last time people compliment you?"
There are so many people surrounds me in school as well as boarding school.
They are the same age with me.
I like to have best friends even now I dont have any.
Maybe other think that best friends are easy to get but for me, I dont think so,
I dont know whether I am too high expectation over it or it just I am the flaw.
My friends are everywhere,
sitting in the same class like me,
walking throught the same corridor like me,
staying in the same hall like me,
studying together with me,
but where are my true friends?
a friend that will be with me when I need him,
a fruend that I will be there when he needs me,
a friend that I can trust,
a friend that trust me,
a friend that want play together with me,
a friend that want me to play together with him,
a friend that want to study together with me,
a friend that want me to study together with him,
where is this particular person?
Should I continue my life heartlessly,
or.. I think I dont know how.
or perhaps just be numb and keep envy other people.
Or issit, I am the one who do not seem right to me?
So many problems in my life and
I do not know how to continue my life anymore.
I know I need to pour my thoughts and problems to somebody that I trust the most,
but who?
I think write blog is the best way, talking to myself.
Even if there is nobody read my blog, but I feel quite satisfied.
My class is so competitive, or am I the one who becomes less competitive?
I know Singapore is such a competitive place to live on.
But, now my life seems wrong with it.
Or maybe I just never failed before and when once, now, I fail, I down.
Actually, I should not care about number in my report book or such a thing because I own my life. But, I dont know why I should be scared when I ask my hallmistress or my sister to sign on it.
And nobody seems understand me.
I am starting to find a girlfriend, even not to be my girlfriend, at least I start to hang around with girl, change my environment where everywhere guys surround me, in my living quarter, school.
Sometimes I feel a bit proud over myself that at least I can still handle my grades above average as well participating actively in my CCAs.
Just now something struck in my mind,
and it might be true for me personally,
when I saw my Maths paper get full marks, I do not care about the number 50/50 but I like to read the remarks given on my paper.
I think XiaoHaiBuBen have said:
"When the last time you compliment people?"
"When the last time people compliment you?"
There are so many people surrounds me in school as well as boarding school.
They are the same age with me.
I like to have best friends even now I dont have any.
Maybe other think that best friends are easy to get but for me, I dont think so,
I dont know whether I am too high expectation over it or it just I am the flaw.
My friends are everywhere,
sitting in the same class like me,
walking throught the same corridor like me,
staying in the same hall like me,
studying together with me,
but where are my true friends?
a friend that will be with me when I need him,
a fruend that I will be there when he needs me,
a friend that I can trust,
a friend that trust me,
a friend that want play together with me,
a friend that want me to play together with him,
a friend that want to study together with me,
a friend that want me to study together with him,
where is this particular person?
Should I continue my life heartlessly,
or.. I think I dont know how.
or perhaps just be numb and keep envy other people.
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