How should I continue my life further?

World does not seem right to me.
Or issit, I am the one who do not seem right to me?

So many problems in my life and
I do not know how to continue my life anymore.
I know I need to pour my thoughts and problems to somebody that I trust the most,
but who?

I think write blog is the best way, talking to myself.
Even if there is nobody read my blog, but I feel quite satisfied.

My class is so competitive, or am I the one who becomes less competitive?
I know Singapore is such a competitive place to live on.
But, now my life seems wrong with it.
Or maybe I just never failed before and when once, now, I fail, I down.
Actually, I should not care about number in my report book or such a thing because I own my life. But, I dont know why I should be scared when I ask my hallmistress or my sister to sign on it.

And nobody seems understand me.

I am starting to find a girlfriend, even not to be my girlfriend, at least I start to hang around with girl, change my environment where everywhere guys surround me, in my living quarter, school.

Sometimes I feel a bit proud over myself that at least I can still handle my grades above average as well participating actively in my CCAs.

Just now something struck in my mind,
and it might be true for me personally,
when I saw my Maths paper get full marks, I do not care about the number 50/50 but I like to read the remarks given on my paper.

I think XiaoHaiBuBen have said:
"When the last time you compliment people?"
"When the last time people compliment you?"

There are so many people surrounds me in school as well as boarding school.
They are the same age with me.
I like to have best friends even now I dont have any.
Maybe other think that best friends are easy to get but for me, I dont think so,
I dont know whether I am too high expectation over it or it just I am the flaw.

My friends are everywhere,
sitting in the same class like me,
walking throught the same corridor like me,
staying in the same hall like me,
studying together with me,
but where are my true friends?
a friend that will be with me when I need him,
a fruend that I will be there when he needs me,
a friend that I can trust,
a friend that trust me,
a friend that want play together with me,
a friend that want me to play together with him,
a friend that want to study together with me,
a friend that want me to study together with him,
where is this particular person?

Should I continue my life heartlessly,
or.. I think I dont know how.
or perhaps just be numb and keep envy other people.