Life is never easy

Lastly, It has been already a long time i never post a blog since weeks ago.

So many things have happened,
there was a time
when I cried,
when I smiled,
when I laughed,
when I daydreamt,
when I stressed...

Life, I know, is never be easy.
"If life is easy, it is like a game, when it is too easy, you will end it easier."

I have learnt to accept 'Antagonist' in my life.
haha. It's because when life is without them, there won't be any climax, and ending.

I have tried to be neutral, even its difficult.

I only get 23/50 for my English Term 1 average.
I felt so sad, extremely sad, feel like killing myself.
And people only can say "Kohar, why you get so low?"
They do not realise how hurt it is.
But I know how it feels.
I think it is because I usually get quite high mark and never fail.
When this kind of problem comes, I get too shock..
Firstly, I am sad over myself.
Secondly, I am afraid of my guardians and family..

Sometimes I feel to just be quiet in class, and listen attentively.
However, result does not always the same like what I have expected.
For example, my English tests, I expect to be at least pass, but ....

Girlfriend matter--
Do I really need to find a girlfriend to brighten my life??
orr.. ?

Juniors matter--
I have this kind of opinion that my Juniors kind of neglect me or something like that to me.
I think it is because they get too excited over their new laptops.
I think that I should not disturb them.

This year is kind of a busy year for me.. Haha..
I am secretary in my class,
secretary in art and design club,
project leader for interact club, and
also JCRC member (maybe I should run for president position?)

I have felt what is hurt really feel..
It is something in your heart that you cant bear with,
keep beating,
some kind of pain, but you cant really grab it,
you feel like crying but you cant,
and you need somebody shoulder or listening ear, but they just not there..

Even until now, what do friends really mean?
I dont understand the meaning of them, do I have even one?

"So I say a little prayer, and hope my dreams will take me there."

-I am in JCRC Lounge, lonely in the midst of crowd-
blahhhh--