Step back, Stay, and Reflect

It has been a long time since the last time I wrote a post in this blog.
So difficult to find time in the midst of IB life.

I have no idea whether the gap between IB and secondary life is really that big,
or is it because the late start of school this year-
or is it just fated to be like this?

Weekend now doesnt really like a weekend.
Weekdays now become more intensified as weekdays.

I dont want to extend day to be more than 24hours so that I can finish my IB life asap
but at the same time I dont have enough time to finish my work eventhough I can quite cope with the datelines.

I am going to India in two weeks time. Hope it is not affected with the swine flu issue, so it wont be cancelled.

I feel so confused-- with life-- with friends, and other things.
I do envy some people
and I dont know why people are just too unique until we cant really open to each other.
Some people are just very irritating but some are quite good to be with.
Even I say so, I do think that I am irritating for some people.
Sometimes I want to do good things, but ended up worse.
From now on, I think I will stay close within myself- not locking the door within me but at the same time I wont really expose myself- keeping most of things myself and find the correct person to share what I can share to others.

Currently I think I only close to less than 5 people.
Really looking forward to meet each one of them- celebrating birthday and etc.

I feel so wrong to be me-
I think I just dont fit with my peers, not because I am outstanding in a sense that I am good but I think I am outstanding in a sense that I am awkward.

If people do think that they know how much I envy other people, I still think they do not know how much that I envy people.

Now, nothing much can be done-
I only can try to finish this 1.5years of my scholarship and see how thing goes.

There are still many things that I can write- maybe next time.

Most of my posts might sound that I never appreciate good things. I do appreciate them, but most of the times bad things tend to pull all my mood down and cover up those good things.